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Hey kids!
Well, how about them apples? I just broke David Anderson like the bottles he knocks to the floor whenever he passes out at the kitchen table. In a way, it makes me feel nice and warm and sunny inside- after all, I just beat the living hell out of a special forces trained soldier. Granted, one that reeked of stale whiskey and urine, but nonetheless, a guy who (supposedly) knows how to fight.
So I was kind of hoping that amazing performance on my part would get me a shot at the Undisputed Panda Joey Flash, but apparently they were actually serious about giving the winner of that Taylor/Belladonna travesty the shot. So yeah, Joey Flash vs. Michelle Taylor. Main Event.
Please watch anyways. My paycheck kinda depends on whether or not you do.
So instead of my rightful place in the land of awesomeness. I’m stuck jerking the curtain (amongst other things) for the second show in a row. This time, I face Angel Kash, self-styled spoiled rich girl from the Hamptons.
I really shouldn’t be looking forward to this match. I mean, what the hell is there to gain in beating up some anorexic socialite from New York City. I mean, her claim to fame on her bio is that she’s ALMOST won the 3WL U.S. title on several occasions! Yeah... ALMOST. Bitch, I’m a four-time, four-time, four-time, FOUR-TIME NGWA Hardcore Champion! And I was never even on the active roster!
And her blogs... MY GOD HER BLOGS.
I mean, her bio says she went to high-school, right? So its assumable she managed to pass the first nine levels of the American education system, right? You know, the ones where you’re supposed to learn basic English. I”m not talking about hanging participles and gerunds and split infinitives. I’m talking basic fourth grade language skills.
But, in case you didn’t go to her blogsite last week (and I so envy you if you didn’t), here’s a sample of Angel Kash’s writing. Things in parentheses are my attempts to make it readable.
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask for a moment of silence here as we mourn the death of our English language.
So let’s recap. I’m facing a dumb quasi-English speaking “trillionaire” in the opening match of the supershow. I’m pretty sure when the ‘best of Pollaski’ DVD comes out, this probably ain’t gonna be on it. There are, however, a few upsides to this match. Namely:
1. She’s kinda hot, and since we’re wrestling, we get to roll around in the ring together!
I know, that kinda sounds pathetic, But I’m not exactly a chick magnet here, so I’m pretty sure I’m willing to take what I can get. And considering the inevitable outcome of the match, this friction between us might just be the only gratifying thing Angel gets out of this contest.
You know, suddenly, I’m really looking forward to this match.
Perhaps a little too much so. I better wrap this up and go take a cold shower. So until next time...
POLLA OUT!
Hey kids!
Well, how about them apples? I just broke David Anderson like the bottles he knocks to the floor whenever he passes out at the kitchen table. In a way, it makes me feel nice and warm and sunny inside- after all, I just beat the living hell out of a special forces trained soldier. Granted, one that reeked of stale whiskey and urine, but nonetheless, a guy who (supposedly) knows how to fight.
So I was kind of hoping that amazing performance on my part would get me a shot at the Undisputed Panda Joey Flash, but apparently they were actually serious about giving the winner of that Taylor/Belladonna travesty the shot. So yeah, Joey Flash vs. Michelle Taylor. Main Event.
Please watch anyways. My paycheck kinda depends on whether or not you do.
So instead of my rightful place in the land of awesomeness. I’m stuck jerking the curtain (amongst other things) for the second show in a row. This time, I face Angel Kash, self-styled spoiled rich girl from the Hamptons.
I really shouldn’t be looking forward to this match. I mean, what the hell is there to gain in beating up some anorexic socialite from New York City. I mean, her claim to fame on her bio is that she’s ALMOST won the 3WL U.S. title on several occasions! Yeah... ALMOST. Bitch, I’m a four-time, four-time, four-time, FOUR-TIME NGWA Hardcore Champion! And I was never even on the active roster!
And her blogs... MY GOD HER BLOGS.
I mean, her bio says she went to high-school, right? So its assumable she managed to pass the first nine levels of the American education system, right? You know, the ones where you’re supposed to learn basic English. I”m not talking about hanging participles and gerunds and split infinitives. I’m talking basic fourth grade language skills.
But, in case you didn’t go to her blogsite last week (and I so envy you if you didn’t), here’s a sample of Angel Kash’s writing. Things in parentheses are my attempts to make it readable.
Quote:
Wow what a hottie (.) I mean who could that be? If you guessed Angel Kash you(‘)r(e) right and not as a(??) dumb as I though(t) congrats. See(,) I am hot their(THERE,) is no doubting that(,) and not only that(,) but all the girls in Africa wished they looked like me, (this would be the point where this sentence becomes a ‘run-on’) well they would if they could ever see me because Africa is so dirt poor they have no tvs(TVs) to even view moi, and if they did they would still get tv(TV) stations from the fifties(not scientifically possible). I mean(,) come on get real and then you say your (You know what? Fuck it, I give up!) going to hurt me? I mean would want to hurt moi I mean come on you have never seen a girl as hot as me in your life nor will you ever after tonight so count your lucky stars that your facing me in the ring. And so what if you were a hunter I mean hunting is so ew I mean like I would do it. I mean I might break a nail and my nails are diamonds they are worth more than the entire continent of Africa that is for damn sure. And after I beat you I will start my path to championship gold around my beautiful tight waist.
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask for a moment of silence here as we mourn the death of our English language.
So let’s recap. I’m facing a dumb quasi-English speaking “trillionaire” in the opening match of the supershow. I’m pretty sure when the ‘best of Pollaski’ DVD comes out, this probably ain’t gonna be on it. There are, however, a few upsides to this match. Namely:
1. She’s kinda hot, and since we’re wrestling, we get to roll around in the ring together!
I know, that kinda sounds pathetic, But I’m not exactly a chick magnet here, so I’m pretty sure I’m willing to take what I can get. And considering the inevitable outcome of the match, this friction between us might just be the only gratifying thing Angel gets out of this contest.
You know, suddenly, I’m really looking forward to this match.
Perhaps a little too much so. I better wrap this up and go take a cold shower. So until next time...
POLLA OUT!
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