Thursday March 31, 2011
The Nest- Master Bedroom
Indianapolis, Indiana
2:13 PM Local Time
It was good to be home.
After spending nearly a month touring the west coast, being able to return to Indianapolis and unwind was certainly a blessing. Considering that even on the road, Terrence and I got to travel in a rather nice RV and still spend time with our daughter, it wasn’t as hard a life as it was for some others. But there still was nothing like being home, even if it was for just a couple of days.
Of course, it wasn’t all just kicking back and relaxing, at least not for me. We had hired a service to keep our house well-maintained while we were away, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t work to be done. At the moment, I was doing laundry, a task made so stunningly simple when one didn’t have to deal with overcrowded, dirty, and unreliable coin-op laundromats.
I hummed softly to myself as I finished dumping out the hamper into a laundry basket and picked the basket up to carry downstairs. I got about halfway down when I heard a slashing sound, followed by the sounds of a dozen men grunting in pain from the impact.
“I shall return! Remember that, for yours is the first head I shall seek!”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the horrible voice acting, and sighed with more than just a little exasperation.
“You’re still playing that stupid game?” I demanded as I swept into the living room, shooting a severe look at my manager, who was perched on our sofa, X-Box controller in hand, staring intently at the television screen. Dynasty Warriors 7 had been released on Tuesday, and Pollaski had been almost unbearably incessant in his obsession with playing the game. I supposed I wouldn’t have minded it so much had he’d gone and spent endless hours playing on someone ELSE’S television...
I turned my attention to Theresa, who was sitting next to Pollaski, watching him play as if he were working miracles on the television screen. She was chewing on a strand of her long brown hair- a bad habit she had somehow recently picked up- her eyes wide as she watched the action playing out. I sighed.
“Theresa, how many times have I told you about not watching the grown-ups play video games? It’s too violent for you.”
“Aww...” my daughter began to pout- another habit I couldn’t quite break her of.
“It’s not that violent,” Pollaski said, as he continued to cleave through his digital enemies. “It’s only rated Teen.”
“She’s FOUR, Dan,” I shot back. “That’s a little young for a game rated thirteen and up. Come on Theresa, off the couch. I don’t want you watching this.”
Theresa wasn’t happy about it, but she did what I asked, hoping down from the couch, and walking away, looking sullen. I smiled, my voice softening as I looked at her. “Why don’t you and I play a board game Terr-Bear? Go pick one out, and we’ll play after I get this load started.”
The prospect of doing something with Mommy seemed to brighten Theresa’s mood considerably, and she bounded out of the room- likely to retrieve Chutes and Ladders, her favorite game at the moment. I turned back to Pollaski, about to ask why in the blue heck he couldn’t play this at his apartment, but something on the television caught my eye.
“How come you always play girls in these games?”
“I don’t!” Pollaski replied, a tad defensively. “I’m just playing her because she’s ideal for the level, and I like her weapon.”
I scoffed. “I’d have thought you were more interested in her armor, or lack thereof.”
Pollaski looked up for just a second, and shot me a wounded look. “You make me sound like one of those losers who pretend to be girls on the internet.”
I chuckled slowly, and opened my mouth to reply, but the sound of our front door slamming made my words die in my throat. I looked over and smiled as my husband- and tag team partner- Terrence walked into the room. My smile vanished, however, as I became alarmed by the expression on his face.
He was on the phone, and it was obvious the conversation he was having was troubling him. He looked serious- grave even. I opened my mouth to ask if everything was okay, but he quickly waved me silent. Concerned, I exchanged a glance with Pollaski, who had paused his game to look up. He looked as anxious as I did.
“Look, Kevin, I appreciate the offer, but I have to think it through. I need some... how long can you give me?” Terrence closed his eyes and sighed, then looked up with me, a small grimace on his face that almost seemed apologetic. “Okay, I’ll have the word for you tomorrow. Either way, thanks for thinking of me, man. Yeah. Okay, bye.”
Terrence ended his call, and sat for a long while, his head down, staring at the device as if only it could provide the answers to the questions racing through his head. I had set my laundry basket down, and I took another glance over at Pollaski. The room had gone completely quiet.
Finally, I risked breaking the silence. “Who was that?” I asked carefully.
“Kevin Anderson of Diamond Motorsports.” My husband replied flatly. “You remember Greg Hutchins? He used to run in the ALMS with me a few years ago.”
I shook my head. “I think I’ve heard the name before, but I can’t remember exactly who he is..”
“Well, he broke his arm in a crash at Fontana last Saturday.”
I cringed, and shook my head. “That’s horrible! Is he okay?”
Terrence nodded, “Yeah, but he’s out for the year. They’re promoting Joseph Fisher to take his place in the Nationwide Series.” He paused for a second, then looked up directly at me. “Kevin wants me to take over Fisher’s ARCA ride.”
“That... that’s great... Terrence,” I replied, caught off-guard by the sudden turn of events. “But how could you possibly be able uphold both a wrestling career and race in ARCA?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew the answer to my question. Terrence merely looked up at me, and smiled ruefully.
“No way in hell would they let me risk injury by wrestling, hon. I’d have to give it up.”
I felt my knees go weak under me, and I hurriedly sat down in a nearby easy chair. I sighed. “Are you going to do it?”
There was another long pause, and Terrence took several deep breaths before looking at me. “I think so.”
I should have been expecting the answer, but it did little to prepare me for the overwhelming surge of emotions that came over me. Despair and anger were foremost among them, but all could manage to stammer out was a strangled “Why?”
Terrence was quiet again for a while, although this time, the silence was almost maddening. Finally, he shook his head. “Because if I turned this down, I’d spend the rest of my life regretting it and wondering what could have been.”
“And you won’t if you just walked away from wrestling?”
“What would I be missing? A sixth world title reign? Another tag team title run with you?”
“Don’t make it sound so trivial!” I snapped at him. My outburst apparently caused a leak in the emotional dam that I had hastily attempted to build up, and a tear leaked from my eye. I hastily wiped it away. “You... WE worked hard for all of that!”
“I know we did,” he replied. “And I’m proud of every single thing you and I have ever done. But this is the biggest opportunity I have ever had in my life. This isn’t being the fourth driver for some middling team in ALMS, hon, where I’m lucky if I finish top twenty. This is Diamond Motorsports. They win races, and they compete for Championships. And they want me.”
“*I* want you, Terrence, and I’m your bloody wife!” I replied, then wiped away a few more tears. “You’re really willing to throw away the WhirlyBirdz, throw away OUR careers, for some pipe dream that you’ve already failed TWICE at?”
Terrence blinked at me, stung by my words. Finally he shook his head. Through my anger, I was almost amazed at how calm, how serene he looked. “And maybe I’ll fail again,” he finally said. “But at least then I’ll know. And who said anything about throwing away YOUR career?”
I laughed, although there was no mirth in it. “What, you expect me to just keep carrying on all by myself?”
Terrence almost looked surprised that I would even say such a thing. “Well, what else were you going to do? Find another community theater to be the director of?”
I could tell he was trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he couldn’t quite succeed at it. I glared at him in response, but all he offered in return was a simple shrug.
“Look, hon. You have a passion for this sport that few people have. You’re not wrestling for the money, or the fame, or for the fact that it gives you an opportunity to hurt people. You’re wrestling because you enjoy the joy of the thrill of pure competition. That’s why I don’t want you to give it up. Because I know there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing. I can’t say the same. I don’t think I ever could.”
I sniffed, and tried to wipe a few more tears away, although the back of my hand was now wet, and only smeared the tears under my eyes. Terrence quickly grabbed some tissues from a box of Kleenex, and offered them to me. I snatched them away, and began to dab at my eyes.
“Besides,” Terrence continued, giving me a small smile. “It’s not like you’ll be really alone. You’ll have Pollaski at ringside. And the season only has eighteen races, so I’ll still be backstage most of the time, ready to celebrate a victory, or console you after a loss. You’ll hardly notice the difference.”
“Except I won’t have tag matches with you to look forward to. I really enjoyed those, Terry!”
“I enjoyed them too. But something tells me I HAVE to do this, Wendy. I have to move on, and I’ve already made my decision.”
“You mean you made OUR decision,” I snapped back.
Terrence chuckled ruefully and shook his head. “That’s not true, nor is it fair to me, hon. I already told you that you could continue to wrestle- hell, I WANT you to continue to wrestle. I’ve never held you back from achieving your goals and dreams, and you know that. All I’m asking is that you now do the same for me.”
I shook my head in disbelief, and opened my mouth, but was unable to come up with a suitable argument. I looked over at Pollaski, and saw that he had tossed the controller on the floor, and was looking out the living room window, his expression stony. I immediately knew why- Dan had been devastated when Terrence and I had decided to retire six years ago, and now that moment was replaying itself out, right when he had least expected it. It wasn’t very often Pollaski deserved any sympathy, but then and there I felt some for my manag- for my friend.
But me, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted. I wanted to keep wrestling. I wanted to retire. I wanted to get on my knees and beg Terry to reconsider. I wanted to smack my husband over the head for springing this on me. I wanted to run upstairs, fall into bed, and cry myself to sleep. I wanted to run out of the house, just get away from everything. I wanted to throw something through the window. I wanted to-
“Mommy? Are you coming?” Theresa’s voice echoed in from the nearby dining room.
Admist the hazy fog of ideas that had clouded my head and threatened to overwhelm me, came a moment of clarity. Everything else was confusing, and it would take hours, maybe even days for my brain to properly sort through. But there was one thing I could do, and I was going to do it.
I was going to go play a game of Chutes and Ladders with my daughter.
“I’ll be there in a minute!” I said, trying my best to keep my voice from breaking. I looked over at my husband, only to see him directly looking back at me.
“Go,” he said gently. “You don’t need to make your decision right now. Take some time, and think it through.”
I wanted to sarcastically snap back “Like you did?”, but something stopped me, knowing that it wouldn’t help matters. I looked over at Pollaski, then back to Terrence, and I shook my head. Then, without another word, I got up from the chair, and walked towards the dining room, where my daughter sat waiting.
