Saturday March 19, 2011
Los Padres National Forest
Hungry Valley State Recreational Area, California
3:17 PM Local Time
“Terrence! Wait! I can’t... keep up!”
Despite the panted pleas of my manager, I didn’t slow down my running one iota. All I could think about was getting back to the safety of the RV. I could hear his footsteps just a couple feet behind me, though. I could also hear the angry growls of the enormous black bear that was chasing us, which only inspired me to run faster.
“Move your ass or I’ll lose you!” I panted back to my manager, and I meant every word of it. Best friend he might be, but if fate decreed that Pollaski was to be run down and eaten by a bear, then I’d be more than willing to chalk it up to natural selection.
Besides, Pollaski was the idiot who pissed the bear off in the first place.
Apparently Pollaski’s survival instincts were better than I had expected, because he did manage to keep pace with me. I turned a corner in the trail, and saw a clearing up ahead. Parked in the clearing was our RV, and, to my horror, Wendy, Theresa, and Cassie we’re all outside.
“EVERYONE IN THE RV!” I half-panted, half-bellowed as I burst into the clearing.
Wendy took one look at me, then Polllaski, then the bear, and didn’t need to be told twice. She quickly scooped a gaping Theresa in her arms, and made a beeline for the vehicle, Cassie hot on her heels. I put on a burst of speed, and vaulted up the RV steps, turning around to egg my manager on.
“MOVE!” I screamed, putting my hand on the controls that would close the door. The bear was gaining on him, and the expression in my manager’s face was evident.
Finally, with a leap, Pollaski’s feet touched the first step on the RV, and I pushed the button. The door quickly slid shut behind Dan, who proceeded to collapse on the steps. The bear, unable to stop itself in time, slammed head first into the side of the RV, with enough force to cause even the massive RV to shake violently. Angry at being denied, it began clawing at the door, making horrible shrieking sounds as its claws bit into the metal.
“Is everyone alright?” I managed to pant. Wendy, Theresa, and Cassie all nodded, all three female’s eyes wide in fright.
Pollaski, on the other hand, was still on the stairs, wheezing like a fish out of water. “I think... I’m having... a heart attack...”
“Serves you right,” I spat glaring down at my manager. “That was just stupid!”
“Oh, don’t you DARE play innocent with me!” Pollaski snapped back. “You went along with it!”
Obviously, the context of our conversation had only alarmed Wendy, and she looked from Pollaski to me, and back again. “What did you do?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I responded, waving my hand dismissively. “We just ran into a bear in the woods.”
“And it just attacked you like that?” Wendy asked, folding her arms over her chest, her skepticism clearly evident on her face.
“Yeah, it’s a bear, hon.” I said, giving her a funny look. “That’s what bears do.”
“Actually, that’s NOT what bears do,” my wife responded. “They generally are fairly timid in nature, unless they’re provoked. So... did you provoke that bear?”
“No! Of course not!” I said back, although Wendy’s eyes only narrowed at me. I began to cave. “Well, Pollaski might have, a little bit..”
Wendy was giving me THAT look. “Terrence Andrew Thompson, what did you do?”
“I said it was Pollaski!”
Her eyes only narrowed. “What. Did. You. Do?”
I grinnned sheepishly. “Well, it’s a long story...”
-------------------------------
Saturday March 19, 2011
Los Padres National Forest
Hungry Valley State Recreational Area, California
3:05 PM Local Time
It was one of those perfect days. You know, the days when sun was a warm yellow ball glowing in the brilliant blue sky, no clouds in sight. In short, it was the day that cemented the fact that spring had arrived, and the long winter, even in normally temperate southern California, had finally come to an end.
It was obviously way too nice of a day to spend inside, so we had decided to take the RV out of the LA area, and headed just a little north into Los Padres National Forest, located in the southernmost reaches of the Sierra Madre mountains. Wendy and Theresa had grabbed the binoculars, and a book about birds that we had given our daughter, and had gone bird-watching, with Cassie tagging along. Meanwhile, Pollaski and I took a walk of our own, hiking through trails the brush, and enjoying excercise that could be had outside of the normal sweat-stained gymnasium.
I had been telling Pollaski about the conversation I had with Wendy on St. Patrick’s day, about her desire to instill a sense of history in our daughter. To my surprise (and dismay) I was quickly discovering that he was taking her side in the matter.
“Of course she should know. Family history is one of the most important things a parent could pass to a child. In the old days it used to be word of mouth, or through the family Bible. With all the technology we have these days, there’s really no excuse for not passing the history along.”
“What if I don’t know my family history?”
Pollaski paused for a second, and scratched his chin. “I guess that would be one excuse. You really don’t know anything?”
I shook my head. “If my parent’s told me any stories about my ancestors, I don’t remember them. I know that Steve never did. He was never much of a history guy.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Sucks for you too, your last name’s so common.” Pollaski said with a sigh.
“Yeah, that’s what Wendy said,” I grumbled, kicking a fallen branch off the path.
“Yeah, but people spend years of their lives looking into genealogy,” Pollaski responded. “I only know my family history after immigration, but I do know that my great-great-grandfather was a train conductor, and died of a heart attack on the platform in Seattle. And I know that my mom’s great-grandfather was a member of the famous Potts family, who helped found Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Hell, I had a friend who was a descendant of Robert E. Lee AND George Washington. How cool is that?”
“Yeah, I don’t know any of that,” I responded, growing more and more frustrated with the conversation. “All I know is that the Thompson name is English in origin. So while Wendy gets to be Irish, and you get to be Polish, I’m stuck with boring old English...”
“Actually, I’m Polish, Finish, Quebecois, Cherokee, AND Irish,” Pollaski responded with a grin. “My ancestors were apparently the outgoing type.” He grinned, but only for an instant as he saw something off the trail. He put out his hand to stop me, and I obliged.
“What is it?” I asked.
“There,” Pollaski replied, his voice suddenly a whisper. “Do you see it?”
I followed Pollaski’s gaze, and immediately felt my jaw drop. Not more than thirty feet away, curled up in a ball, was a black bear, taking a nap in the mid-afternoon heat. “Whoah,” I couldn’t help but take a step back. “That thing is HUGE!”
“And it’s just coming out of hibernation,” Pollaski whispered back. “Could you imagine what it would be like in the fall?”
I didn’t have any response, just continued to watch the sleeping ursus. I looked back over at Pollaski, however, when I suddenly heard him snickering.
“What?”
“Dude, you ever see those Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials?”
I thought for a second, then nodded. “Yeah, the ‘Messing With Sasquatch’ ones. The ones where they run into Sasquatch, and play a practical joke on him.”
“Yeah, that,” Pollaski, who was now grinning ear to ear, replied.
It only took me a minute to catch on to my manager’s intent, and I backed away, shaking my head. “No. No fuckin’ way dude.”
Pollaski put on a pouty face. “Why not?”
“Have you seen those commercials? Every single one, Sasquatch runs them down, and beats the living crap out of them!”
“Yeah, but that’s Sasquatch- a mythical creature. This is a very real, very un-supernatural bear. It’ll probably run away the moment it sees us.”
“No, dude. Sorry. Not going to happen.”
Pollaski threw his hands into the air in exasperation. “Okay, fine. If you wanna be a wuss, we won’t do it.”
I froze, and although something in the back of my mind was urgently insisting I swallow my pride and walk away, a bit of prideful anger was indeed rising in my chest. Finally, I turned back to my manager. “I am NOT a wuss. What did you wanna do?”
Pollaski’s grin somehow became even wider, and he reached into his pocket, and pulled out an airhorn. “I took this, just in case we got lost. But I think you and I know the way back to the RV from here, so it wouldn’t hurt to have a bit of fun with it. Right in its ear.”
I rolled my eyes. “Alright, go ahead and go do it.”
“I was thinking you were going to do it.”
“Me?” I shot back. “This was your idea! YOU creep up to the sleeping bear and blow the horn in its ear!”
“Yeah, but you’re the stealthy one!” Pollaski replied, which was news to me. But I made no move to take the air horn from his hands, and finally he glowered. “Fine. I’LL do it. Wuss.”
“Oh, fuck you,” I snarled back. “I’m not a wuss, I’m just not a suicidal asshole like you are.”
“Whatever,” Pollaski said, then motioned for silence. He paused for just a second, and, with a deep breath, began to creep towards the sleeping bear.
--------------------------------------------
Saturday March 19, 2011
The RV- Cockpit
Hungry Valley State Recreational Area, California
3:24 PM Local Time
“You know what the worst part is?” Pollaski asked. As I had told the story, he had managed to work his way into a sitting position, despite the occasional tremors of the RV as the still-angry bear tried to ram us. “It woke up when I was like five feet away. I never even got to blow the horn.”
Wendy was less than amused by the entire situation. “Well, I hope you two are happy. We’re now stuck inside our RV with a rampaging black bear trying to break in and kill us. And I don’t even want to THINK about the fines they levy for tampering with the wildlife!”
“It’s coming again!” my daughter shrieked pointing out the window. Sure enough, the bear was charging at the RV again, and again it collided hard enough to shake the RV, and Wendy had to reach out to keep Cassie from falling.
Cassie looked at us wide-eyed. “We’re safe in here, right?”
“Of course we’re safe in here,” I responded, rolling my eyes. “It’s a freakin’ bear, not an armed robbery.”
No one looked convinced at all, and I could only shake my head in exasperation.
“Okay, fine. If we’re all afraid of the big angry bear, I’ll just go start the RV, and we’ll pull out. Stupid bear can’t chase us all the way back to Santa Monica.”
“My book!” Theresa suddenly protested, pointing outside.
“We left it on the picnic table,” Wendy added.
“We’ll get her another one. Or does anyone want to go outside and get it?”
Unsurprisingly, there were no takers. “Okay,” I continued, “Everyone in your seats. Let’s get out of here.” I headed for the driver’s seat, stumbling a little as the RV shook again, but eventually, I made it. I reached into my pockets to get my keys, and froze.
“Uh oh.”
Wendy didn’t like the tone of my voice one bit. “Terrence, what’s wrong?”
I looked over at Pollaski. “Do you have my keys? I gave them to you so you could get your IPod out of the car.”
Pollaski checked both of his front pockets, then shook his head. “Nah, I’m sure I gave them back to you.”
“Well, I don’t have them either! That means...”
We all exchanged horrified, bewildered glances. “That means they fell out while we were hiking!” Pollaski whispered.
Cassie’s face drained completely white, and she had to catch herself to keep from fainting. Meanwhile, whatever color had drained from our babysitter had flushed into my wife’s face. She stood, her hands on her hips, and it was only a miracle that steam wasn’t coming out of her ears.
Even so, I remained calm. “Okay, no worries. We’ll just call Triple A Roadside Assistance, and have them bring us a replacement set.” I whipped out my cellphone, and looked at it. “Crap, I don’t have any kind of a signal at all up here. What about you guys?”
Immediately, the other three adults in the RV pulled out their cellphones as well, and I could tell immediately by their expressions that they were coming up empty as well. “Uh oh...”
“Oh my God,” Cassie exclaimed, as another impact rocked the RV. “We’re going to die here!”
This time, no one told her she was wrong.
-------------------------
Saturday March 19, 2011
The RV- Main Cabin
Hungry Valley State Recreational Area, California
4:18 PM Local Time
[It’s still daylight out as our scene opens, as evidenced by the brightness coming through the RV’s window as we fade in this afternoon. Wendy Briese is sitting on the hide-a-bed in the main cabin of the RV, her features drawn and pale. She swallows hard, and looks at the camera.]
Wendy Briese: “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Wendy Briese, and this may be my last message to the outside world. We’re trapped, and there’s a rampaging bear outside our RV, trying to get in. I can only hope that the walls of our vehicle can truly keep him out, and we can come out of this situation alive.”
[To accentuate Wendy’s point, there’s a roar, and a violent shaking of the RV, followed by the sounds of clawing on metal. Wendy gulps, and looks back at the camera.]
WB: “I will do whatever I can to protect my daughter, and I will make sure she comes away from this alive. Terrence and I have named my cousin Liesl Werner, of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, as Theresa’s godmother. I know that Liesl and Franz will raise her with love. And if it is God’s will that my half-eaten corpse is to be found out in the woods...”
[A small pause, and Wendy’s features darken just a bit]
WB: “I just want the world to know that this is ALL my idiot manager and husband’s fault!”
Terrence Thompson: [off-screen] “Hon, will you give it a rest with the doom and gloom? We’re not gonna die!”
[Terrence Thompson comes walking into the scene, holding an open can of Spaghetti-O’s with a spoon sticking out of it. He plops down into the sofa next to Wendy, grinning at his wife.]
TT: “That’ bear’s gonna get tired sooner or later, and leave, and then we can go find my keys, and get out of here. Besides, we have a week’s worth of food. Thank goodness for Chef Boyardee!”
[Terrence offers Wendy a taste of the Spaghetti-O’s, but Wendy declines, staring at the can in distaste.]
WB: “Cold?”
TT: “Pollaski and I figured might as well save the generator energy. It could get pretty cold tonight.”
[Terrence looks over at the camera, grinning as he realizes it’s on.]
TT: “Ah good! I was thinking of cutting another promo on Gowan!”
[Wendy’s jaw drops, and she looks over at her husband, incredulous]
WB: “NOW?”
[Terrence shrugs]
TT: “Why not? Not like we’re doing anything else...”
[Wendy can only shake her head in disbelief, but she finally nods]
WB: “Fine, if you need to. I’m sure you’re happy that you got Gowan so upset.”
[Wendy’s words definitely carry a reproach to them, but Terrence merely grins, and shrugs]
TT: “Actually, I think it’s freaking hilarious. All my ‘hot air’ and ‘self-promoting BS’ actually cost a guy some sleep. How funny is that?”
[Wendy gives Terrence a look that suggests she doesn’t see the humor in the situation, but she allows Terrence to continue.]
TT: “See Gowan, you’ve asked if I’m capable of regrets or remorse in my life...”
[Terrence pauses at another roar, and again, the RV shakes. Wendy tenses as the shaking subsides, looking nervously over at her husband]
TT: “Yeah, I’d say there’s a few things in my life I wish I had done differently.”
[Terrence shoots a sheepish grin at his wife. Wendy doesn’t smile back.]
TT: “But here’s the thing. The past is the past, and until we figure out a way to get the flux capacitor into the DeLorean, there’s nothing we can do to change it, so why dwell on it?”
[A small shrug]
TT: “I’ve made more than my share of mistakes, and I’ve tried to learn from them. Now, if you want to dwell on the sins of your past, and writhe around in anguish, go right ahead, Larry. Me, I got more important things, like the future to worry about.”
[Another roar sounds, louder than the previous ones, and both Terrence and Wendy freeze. They turn around, and both fall off the couch when they see the bear, on its hind legs, standing in the window behind them!]
TT: “HOLY SHIT!”
[The bear roars again, and Wendy screams as it swipes at the glass, leaving four very deep scratches in the window. The bear drops down with another growl, as Terrence and Wendy catch their breath. Finally, Wendy turns to Terrence]
WB: “Terry, if we die here, I swear to God I will kill you!”
[Both Birdz pull themselves back onto the sofa, while footsteps can be heard approaching, and Pollaski walks into the scene]
Daniel Pollaski: “You guys okay? DUDE! Look at the window!”
WB: “We know... How’s Theresa doing?”
[Pollaski shrugs]
DP: “She’s taking a nap. I just decided to come and see how you’re doing.”
WB: “We’re fine. Terrence was just shooting a promo on Gowan.”
DP: “Oh, neat. That’s a great way to spend the minutes before we die.
TT: “We’re not going to die!”
[Pollaski shrugs, and plops down uninvited on the couch next to Wendy. Wendy’s not looking too happy about the arrangement, but nonetheless, Terrence resumes]
TT: “But no, Gowan, if you’re wondering, I don’t regret one word of what I said about you. Because I believe every goddamned word of it. But even more amazing is watching the effect it’s had on you. I’ve never considered myself all that good at mind games, but my comments have kept you up at night. Hell, I made you grab a camera and actually shoot a promo.”
[Small smirk, as Pollaski fidgets, looking suddenly uncomfortable]
TT: “Yeah, so it’s nice to see a little bit of passion from you for once in your life, but it’s such a shame your passion is so misguided. Because you obviously have zero clue just what Terrence Thompson is about. “
[Terrence shrugs]
TT: “Of course, you threw out the usual talking points for the anti-Terrence Thompson promo. I’m an arrogant asshole. I’m a tag-team specialist, who uses my wife as a crutch. And, here we go again, the ‘overlook’ word has once again been thrown out.”
[Terrence rolls his eyes, and even Wendy looks somewhat amused by this]
TT: “Gowan, you claimed you’ve watched Wendy and I from our days in the PWX. And even before our hiatus, our matches six years ago in the BWA, and CCW, and NGWA. Right. So since you’ve been so goddamn observant about my career, why don’t you name one match, one single fucking match where I got caught overlooking my opponent.”
[Terrence arches his eyebrows as if he’s expecting a response]
TT: “And while we’re discussing my own personal history, Larry, why don’t you tell me the name of one wrestler who’s career I wrecked? Because for the life of me, I can’t think of any.”
[Terrence looks at Wendy and Pollaski for an answer. Pollaski only shrugs]
WB: “Well, I don’t think you would have minded with Mandrake...”
[A short, harsh chuckle from Terrence]
TT: “Well, it wasn’t for lack of trying with SOME people, but for some reason, I don’t think Gowan can blame me for those. After all, he’s been paying real close attention, so he knows the deal behind them right?”
[Terrence grins sardonically, as again Pollaski fidgets uncomfortably. Wendy shoots him a concerned glance, but Pollaski only smiles in return]
TT: “See, Larry. I’m okay with you hating me. But I want to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and not just because you’re a clueless idiot who’s butthurt because I said a few mean things about you.”
[Another bump against the RV, although not as hard. Still, Wendy and Pollaski both look nervous, although Terrence pushes on.]
TT: “In all honesty, I don’t even fancy myself that bad of a guy. Yeah, I’m a bit impulsive, and I’m probably a bit on the abrasive side. But when it comes down to it, I know what’s important in life.
[Terrence reaches out and puts his arm around Wendy, who smiles just a little despite herself]
TT: “I love my wife, and I love my daughter. And I love plying my trade, whether it’s in the ring, on the racetrack, or in the garage. I have my causes and charities, and I do what I can.”
[Another small shrug, while Pollaski fidgets again]
TT: “But there are some people out there that just rub me the wrong way, and you just happen to be one of them. I guess fake drama queen emo fags suffering from a midlife crisis just aren’t the kind of friends I want to have.”
[Wendy snaps a nasty glare at her husband, but Terrence merely returns an eye-brow arched grin.]
TT: “And yes, again, I stand by that. Because the fake one around here is you, Larry. How quickly did that ‘nice guy’ facade, and the bitch-tantrum come out, the moment your buttons got pushed. I’m just stating my opinion. Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong, but with you, Mr. Gowan, I hit the nail right on the head.
[A small chuckle]
TT: “The funny thing is, I’m not even LOOKING to end your career. I just want to beat you. But I’d hate to think of how you’d react around a REAL career killer. Like Victor Mandrake, or Aoraki, or, dare I say it... Brad Jackson?”
[Grin, although tempered somewhat by annoyance as Pollaski fidgets again]
TT: “No, Larry. You might not like me, but you can do a hell of a lot worse than Terrence Thompson.”
[Small shrug]
TT: “So go and throw up in your toilet bowl again, smoke a cigarette, and enjoy another sleepless night. Meanwhile, I’m going to figure out how to get out of this forest, and back to civilization, so I can work on refining my gameplan for facing you. Because...”
[Pollaski fidgets again, and Terrence breaks off, looking over at Pollaski in annoyance]
TT: “Do you like have hemorrhoids or something?”
[Pollaski shakes his head, then stands up, looking fairly uncomfortable.]
DP: “No, just … I keep thinking I’m sitting on something.”
[Both he and Wendy look at the couch, finding nothing. Pollaski shrugs, and reaches around to his backside, before grimacing]
DP: “Oh, there’s something in my back pocket. That’d be why.”
[As Wendy and Terrence roll their eyes, Pollaski leans around, trying to get the item in his back pocket out, an effort made difficult by his obesity. Suddenly, Pollaski freezes, his eyes wide an a clear ‘uh oh’ expression.”
DP: “Uh oh...”
[Pollaski slowly, painfully pulls out the item and holds it in front of him.]
[A set of keys]
TT: “Are you fucking KIDDING ME?”
[Pollaski pales as both Terrence and Wendy shoot him outraged expressions, and he gulps, taking a few steps back]
DP: “Well, at least we can leave now, right?”
[Terrence stands up, and looks over at his wife.]
TT: “Get ready to open the door. Looks like the Bears gonna have one of us for dinner after all.”
[Pollaski, realizing he’s in trouble, goes for the only defense he has. He chucks the keys at Terrence, which bounce off his chest, and thump on the floor. Terrence, his teeth bared in a snarl, watches the keys drop, then looks back at his manager. Pollaski whimpers]
DP: “Okay, wait... let’s think about this... OW!”
[Terrence lunges for Pollaski, and Pollaski tries to escape. As Wendy watches, her hands on her hips, and a faintly amused expression on her face, Terrence chases Pollaski out of the scene.]
DP: “WAIT! PLEASE! I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!”
[The ensuing struggle knocks over the camera, and the scene goes dark]
