Wednesday May 28, 2014
The Nest- Living Room
Indianapolis, Indiana
3:34 PM Local Time
What in the blooming tarnation had just happened?
One minute Wendy Briese had been petting Chanticleer, musing about the challenges she’d be facing in the next week, the next Chant had punctured about a dozen tiny holes in her jeans (and perhaps a few in her own skin, by the feel of it), had fled upstairs, leaving her in the room with… a puppy?
At least she HOPED it was a puppy. Because if it was really an animated teddy bear that had just bouned into the room on all fours, she was having a nightmare she hadn’t had since she was nine.
But that’s the only way she could describe the dog- a canine version of a teddy bear. It had a face that resembled a retriever, and the long floppy ears on the side, but was covered with coarse looking, copper-colored curly fur. It had evide, ntly gotten over the shock of being smacked by the cat, and was looking at her with large glassy eyes, panting slightly, it’s tiny pink tongue visible in its open mouth.
Wendy finally found her voice as she looked up at her husband and daughter in the entrance way. “Terry… what is… this…”
“It’s a dog, hon.” Terrence said matter-of-factly, in the same tone he used to answer his daughter’s queries at a petting zoo. “A goldendoodle, . Half golden retriever, half poodle.”
“Actually, three quarters poodle, a quarter retriever, Dad.” Theresa connected. “It’s a type F1B”
“Oh, is THAT what they were talking about at the farm?” Terrence spoke as if a massive revelation had just been bestowed. “I thought they were telling me about a tornado that had hit or something. Y’know, with all the F1’s, F2… ”
“Well, regardless of whatever the ‘F’ it is,” Wendy huffed irritably. “What is it DOING here?”
Terrence looked at her like the answer was obvious. “Getting acquainted with its new home?”
New home. They weren’t exactly surprising words, given the situation, but they hardly weren’t ones she was wanting to hear. Mostly for the sake or her daughter in the room, Wendy looked up, took a deep breath, and tried as calmly as she could to get some clarification on the matter.
“You got a new dog.”
Both husband and daughter nodded.
“As a pet.”
More nods.
“Without telling me.”
“We’re telling you now, Mom,” Theresa offered helpfully.
“Thank you, Theresa. That’s most helpful.” Wendy couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “So where exactly did this sudden inspiration to bring a dog into the house arise?” The word ‘dog’ being in the same inflection with words such as ‘Power Trip’, or ‘Crystal Hilton’.
“Well,” Terrence mused, looking up at the ceiling and tapping his chin as he gathered his thoughts on where to begin. “It’s kinda warm today, so we stopped at Dairy Queen for Arctic Rushes, and well, I probably drank too much, cause when we got to the supermarket, I REALLY had to go, and so I told Theresa to wait outside the restroom while I went in, and she got to looking at the message board, and saw a flyer for puppies for sale, and we called them, curious, and they said there was only one left so-”
“FOR SALE?! You paid MONEY for it?”
“Well yeah,” Terrence scratched the back of his head. “These aren’t exactly the kind of puppies you throw in a cardboard box and write ‘Free To A Good Home’ on it.”
“How much…”
For the first time, Terrence actually looked a bit unsettled. “Well, ah… you see, they…”
“How. Much. Terrence?”
“Oh. Well… eleven...”
Wendy exhaled. “Well, that’s not so bad. Although it does add up with food and-”
“...hundred.”
A LONG silence reigned over the living room, with Wendy staring icily at her husband, while both Terrence and Theresa fidgeted uncomfortably under the withering gaze.
“You spent eleven hundred dollars on a dog.”
“Yup,” Terrence nodded.
“One thousand, one hundred bucks.”
“That’s right.”
“Dollar sign. One. One. Zero. Zero. Dot. Zero. Zero.”
“It doesn’t really matter HOW you say it, hon. The answer’s still yes.” Terrence said, with the slightest hint of irritability.
Wendy, of course, had cleared irritable a good while ago, and was rapidly approaching cold seething fury. Terrence KNEW she disliked dogs. They stank, made the houses of their owners stink, got fur everywhere, and got into everything. Moreover, they already had a cat, who hated being disrupted and now was going to be perpetually disrupted. And even worse they had actually spent MONEY on this abomination! And not just a little money, but…
“Eleven hundred dollars.” Wendy repeated again between clenched teeeth. She (ironically) barked out a laugh. “With that kind of price tag, we should be winning dog shows with it.”
“Not really. Goldendoodles aren’t exactly recognized as as a purebreed. So you can’t enter them in dog shows.”
“So it’s a mutt.”
“They prefer to call them ‘designer’.” Terrence asserted. “And in reality, they’re the perfect dogs. They’re friendly, loyal, extremely intelligent, don’t shed, don’t get all that big-”
“Pee on our rug…” Wendy observed, sighing in dismay as she looked over at the dog, who had been sniffing around the room, and had lowered it’s backside to emit a stream of yellow liquid. She had just had the carpets steamed not a week ago…
“Oh, not good! No no no! Take her out, Theresa!”
Theresa had already sprung into action, and picked the dog up with both hands under its front leg joints, running for the door, which Terrence opened for her. All the while the dog continued to pee, creating a nice trail leading from the original spot to the front door. Once Theresa and the dog were outside, Wendy glared at Terrence, who at least had the good nature to cringe this time.
“They, ah, said that could happen until we get her housetrained.”
“Great,” Wendy snarled as she rose to her feet, looking over at the stain. She stared down at it for several seconds. “Just… blooming… great.”
“Hang on. They gave us this bottle of stuff… it has like enzymes in it. Supposed to get stains out of the carpet in a jiffy.” He turned to leave.
“Take it back,” Wendy blurted.
“Excuse me?”
“Take. It. Back.” Wendy repeated, more forcefully this time. “Terry, we are in absolutely NO position to get a dog! Especially a puppy! Do you have any idea how much time and attention it’s going to take? More than either you or I have!”
Terrence shrugged, and nodded his head towards the still-open door. “Theresa can handle it.”
“Theresa forgets to do her homework half the time, Terrence. And she’s HOMESCHOOLED. Do you honestly trust her with a living, breathing animal?”
“Why not? If anything, it’ll teach her responsibility. Besides, look at her, she loves it.”
Terrence beckoned outside. The dog had evidently finished urinating on everything, and was chasing a laughing Theresa around the front yard, yipping at her heels. Wendy fought back a smile at the innocent, joy filled scene.
“Don’t let her get attached, Terrence,” she finally said. “That’s just going to make it harder when we send it away.”
“We’re not sending it away,” Terrence replied, his voice firmer than she’d heard it in a while. “Look, hon. I’ve done some research on this. It’s really the perfect dog for us.”
“Research?” Wendy laughed angrily. “You just said five minutes ago that you impulse bought it after reading a flyer at Kroger!”
“Actually, it was Marsh’s” Terrence muttered in correction. His voice became clearer. “Yeah, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while. And Pollaski’s parents have a goldendoodle, and Daniel’s always going on about what a sweetheart she is.”
“Daniel’s also been banned by half the city in the last month because he keeps doing stupid things.”
“Well, to be fair, they got the dog WAY before Marla Lee loosened a few screws.” Terrence pointed out. “Honestly, hon. I think you’re being utterly unreasonable about this.”
“Unreasonable? ME?!” Wendy was incredulous. “When you went over my head and behind my back to do this… and I’M the unreasonable one?”
“Yeah. The only reason I went over your back and around your head is because I knew you’d act like this.”
“FOR GOOD REASON!” Wendy hissed.
“What reason’s that? You don’t like dogs? Well, guess what, Wendy? I dont like cats. And yet I’ve happily put up with THREE of the vicious little hellbeasts over the years I’ve been with you. Now all I’m asking is you do the same for me. And your daughter. She’ll hate us forever if we have to send the dog away”
“That is so not fair that you’re bringing her into this.” Wendy growled. “You’re the one who set her up for disappointment for ME acting responsibly.”
“Perhaps. But, sorry hon. I’m not yielding on this. I want a dog, we get a dog. I acquiesce to you enough, but not in this case.”
Wendy opened her mouth, but no words could come out. It wasn’t like Terrence to be so… there was no other word for it- DEFIANT. Finally, with an angry and frustrated sigh, she spun on her heels towards the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Terrence asked.
“To call a kennel.” Wendy replied wearily. “Being that we ARE leaving on a WEEK-LONG road trip tomorrow morning. We can’t keep it in the house like the cat.”
“Oh, right. We’re taking it with us. I bought a kennel carrier for it and everything.”
Wendy turned back around, with clenched teeth, her fists balled up at her side. “Do you have any idea how much a dog is going to devalue the RV?”
“No more than having a kid in it for four years has.” Terrence said mildly. “Just calm down, Wendy, okay? Relax. It’s going to work out way better than you ever imagined.” Then he turned and left the house, no doubt to get the mounds of paraphanelia required for the ownership of a new puppy. With a sigh, Wendy looked back over to the stain on the carpet, and stared down at it.
So much for minimizing distractions for this week.
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