EPISODE 77: Pier Pressure

Friday February 4, 2011
The RV- Master Bedroom
Santa Monica, California
9:00 AM Local Time

Whatever dreams I had been having were shattered by the high pitched shrieking of my alarm clock. Squinting my eyes against the morning light pouring through the window on the other side of the cabin, I rolled over, and slammed my hand onto the snooze button, being rewarded by the blissful sounds of silence. My first instinct was to take advantage of the nine-minute reprieve that the snooze button gave me, but then again, it was already nine o’clock. I had allowed myself to sleep in this morning, but it wouldn’t do me any good to abuse it.

I felt around for the switch that shut the alarm off for good, clicked it, then rolled back over to face my husband. He too was just waking up, lying on his side, but his brown eyes were open. He broke into a soft smile when he saw me looking at him. “Morning.”

“Morning,” I replied, giving him a quick kiss, then sat up. I grabbed my elastic from my bedside table, and quickly tied my hair back, then sat at the edge of the bed, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes. Terrence rose too, with a stretch and a yawn, and quickly rose to his feet, stumbling over to the small closet at the back of the bedroom. He quickly slid on a pair of jeans and a plain blue t-shirt, then set about hunting for his shoes. Smoothing out my nightgown, I went to the closet myself, and began perusing my wardrobe, trying to figure out what I should wear.

“So I was thinking,” Terrence was saying as he slipped on his tennis shoes, “After we finish training today, what do you say we take Theresa and the three of us hit the pier?”

Considering that we almost always stayed in Santa Monica when we traveled to Los Angeles, it was almost surprising that we had yet to go to the renowned Santa Monica Pier, home of the Pacific Park amusement fair, and several other attractions to boot. I smiled at the thought of spending a fun family day there. “That sounds great. But you know they won’t allow Theresa on the roller coaster. She’s not tall enough.”

That news was obviously disappointing to my husband, but he managed to shrug it off. “I’m sure there’s other rides we can go on. Sides, can’t be much of a roller-coaster if they’ve managed to fit it on a pier.”

I smiled at his sour grapes, and selected a pale pink blouse and a black pair of capris from the closet. I paused, however, when something lying on the floor caught my eye.

Terrence’s race helmet, tucked away in the corner of the closet. He kept it in the RV as a ‘good-luck charm’, a memory from his days as an auto-racer. But apparently, over the past week, he had found another, more conventional use for it.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” I said as I slipped off my nightgown, and quickly replaced it with the blouse. “Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?” Terrence asked, stifling another yawn.

I couldn’t quite hide my irritation. My phrasing may have been vague, but there was little doubt in my mind that Terrence knew exactly what I was talking about.

“Wreck Madman’s car,” I replied as I sat down on the bed to pull on my pants.

Terrence chuckled, which only heightened my irritation, then stood up. “Did you see the face of the person who did that? How did you know it was me?”

I shot him a severe look. “Don’t you dare play dumb with me, Terrence Thompson.”

That only inspired another chuckle from my husband. “Alright, fine. I did it because it seemed like fun, and Madman Szalinski’s a piece of shit. He cost you a match against Keebler, well, turnabouts fair play. Besides, you heard ‘em. The fans loved it. I bet your colleagues did too. No one likes the guy.”

“That doesn’t make it right, Terry.” I replied, shooting Terrence another severe look. “Bullying Szalinski isn’t going to change anything.”

“Bullying? So suddenly you’re feeling sorry for the little masked freak?”

I paused for a second. “Yeah, in a way, I am,” I finally said. “I don’t think there’s a lot of happiness in that man’s life.. But I also asked you to let me fight my own battles. Isn’t that why I joined X3W in the first place?”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly fight the guy...” Terrence was trying to joke, but one look from me and he realized that it was a bad idea. Finally, he sighed. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have at least talked to you first.”

“Thank you,” I replied, turning and heading towards the bedroom door. As I reached for the handle to enter the main cabin of the RV, I heard my husband’s voice interrupting me.

“Hey.”

I turned around. “What is it?”

Terrence shrugged, and took a step towards me. “You okay, hon? You look... stressed.”

My first impulse was to tell Terrence that I was fine, just a bit annoyed over the car-wrecking. But then again, Terrence tended to be a lot quicker on the uptake than he normally let on, and after five years of marriage, he could generally tell when I was lying.

“I am stressed.” I finally said, walking away from the door and sitting back down on the bed. “Revelations, and the biggest match of my career, is now less than two weeks away. I just keep thinking about... well, about a lot of things, actually.”

“Its only natural.” Terrence replied with a shrug. “Everyone gets the jitters before the big matches. No matter how confident you are in your abilities, there’s always that little nagging voice in the back of your mind wondering if you’re gonna fuck up. But I’ll tell you what, hon. The moment you walk into that ring, and the bell rings, what you gotta do becomes that much more clear. You don’t have time to think about what happens if you don’t, you just know you have to do it. The biggest difference between you now, and you five years ago, is that you’re way more confident in yourself. Don’t lose that confidence just because your name on the poster’s in a larger font.”

“Thanks,” I said, as Terrence plopped down on the bed next to me. “But that’s not even what I’m worried about. I’ve been in big matches before. I know how to deal with nerves. I’m not even really that concerned about whether or not I’m going to draw anymore- ticket sales are proceeding nicely, from what I’ve seen, and I’m sure the buyrates will too.”

“Then what’s your problem, hon?”

I paused for a while, and looked out the window. “I punched Szalinski at the last Shatterpoint.”

“Yeah,” Terrence started laughing. “That was awesome.”

I didn’t exactly share his mirth. “I’m not proud of it. It’s just, when he called me... THAT... I lost my temper.”

“No one’s gonna blame you for that, hon.” Terrence said gently.

“No, but that means this thing between me and Szalinski’s gotten personal. This isn’t just about winning the X3W Championship anymore, to either of us. I’ve seen it in his eyes whenever I run into him backstage. I’m not just the woman standing between him and the championship, Terry. I’m an enemy, someone who needs to be completely destroyed. It’s kind of... unsettling.”

“Well, stop the presses,” Terrence remarked with a snort. “Because I think this is the first wrestling match in history where the two competitors didn’t like each other.” He grinned as I shot him another glare. “Besides, weren’t you just telling me you felt sorry for the guy?”

“I do. But that doesn’t mean I like him. On the contrary. I can’t stand him. I want to... well, I don’t know about destroying him, but I’d sure like to give him a few good lumps to think about.”

“Yeah, well, maybe spiking him on his head will improve his disposition a bit.” Terrence remarked.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’d be something we can all hope for.”

Terrence grinned, then stood up, reaching out to help me to my feet. “You’ll be fine, hon. You’ve had personal issues with plenty of people before. Stephen Greer... Misty Xiao... Victor Mandrake...”

“I know,” I replied, accepting the offer as Terrence pulled me to my feet. “But something about Szalinski makes it all seem... I don’t know. Different. More intense. More ominous, even.”

“More ominous than a guy locking you in a dungeon for two weeks?” Terrence replied, arching his eyebrows.

I snorted at the ludicrousness of it, then paused. “Looking back at that, and knowing what I know now, in a way, yeah, it is. Mandrake’s evil through and through, and he did some pretty bad things to me, but there was a line that he wouldn’t cross.” I looked over at Terrence. “I don’t know if Szalinski has a line, and if he does, who knows where it is?”

For the first time all morning, Terrence actually looked somewhat concerned, and I immediately felt bad for worrying my husband so. “I’m sorry to bother you with all this,” I said. “Guess I’m just antsy this morning.”

“Ah, don’t mention it,” Terrence replied. “And you’ll be fine, Wendy. You know how to take care of yourself. Now let’s get going, we got a busy day ahead of us.”

Terrence was the first to the door and flung it open, and together we entered the main cabin of the RV. I could tell that Terry and I were the last to arise. The hide-a-bed was folded up, but Cassie was nowhere to be seen, probably off enjoying some personal time to herself. Theresa sat on the couch, where the bed had been, watching Nickelodeon.

“Oy!” Pollaski had been sitting at the table, looking over a small stack of papers, but he rose when he saw his two wrestlers enter. Terrence rolled his eyes, and headed towards the cabinet to grab a box of cereal, while, I went to kiss my daughter good morning.

“You two are NOT the early Birdz,” Pollaski scolded. “So you don’t get the worm. Unless you were drinking a bottle of tequila in there.” he finished with a grin.

“Har, har,” I said sarcastically. “I’m up earlier than you 99% of the time, Dan.”

“Lucky Charms, hon?” Terrence asked, waving a box of the General Mills cereal.

“Please,” I affirmed, yawning and stretching before grabbing a seat at the table. “So what’s the news, Dan?”

“Oh, not much. Egyptians are still rioting, the east coast is still freezing, and the Steelers still suck,” Pollaski said with a grin. Then his eyes went wide. “Oh, X3W lineup just got released this morning. You’re rematched against Rockwell.”

“Really?” I was surprised and confused. It seemed odd that my last match before Revelations would be the same person I faced in the first round. I looked at a small stack of papers on the table. “Is this the lineup?”

Pollaski nodded, and I looked at the page carefully, surprised to find myself in the main event spot again- my third in the first eight shows. As usual with X3W lineup announcements, there was a bit of a blurb underneath the billing giving a moderate amount of buildup to the match. I read it carefully, then read it again just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

I looked up at Pollaski. “Talinsdale’s letting Rockwell go at me because you’ve put his girlfriend into a nervous breakdown? This is a joke, right?”

“Apparently not.” Pollaski chuckled. “Its like I’m some sort of a monster or something. Ah well, at least this means I’ll get to see Veronika again. Maybe I can set the record straight. I’m not that bad of a guy, really.”

A wistful smile came over my manager, and I could only stare at him, barely noticing the bowl of cereal Terrence slid in front of me. “Set what straight? She tried to interfere, and you emotionally scarred her for life. There’s really nothing else that needs to be said.”

“Yeah, but I really didn’t mean to rub it in with that advertisement. I just thought it would be kinda funny.”

Terrence sat down next to me, a bowl of Lucky Charms in front of him as well. He suddenly burst out laughing. “Dude, I can’t believe this. You actually LIKE her. I thought you were just screwing with her.”

Pollaski shrugged. “I was at first. But we were enemies at the time. And the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering, maybe she’s not that bad of a girl. Maybe she’s like that because she’s with a chauvinistic pig who don’t treat her right. She deserves better.”

“And that better is you.” I deadpanned.

Pollaski actually looked offended. “Why not? I’m strong. I’m caring. I’m sensitive. I’m-”

“The guy who once sat at a convention for vegan feminists eating a steak and reading Barely Legal?” I interrupted, having heard enough. “And who once wrote a parody of ‘Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer’ about one of our opponents beating his girlfriend into a coma?”

“And we can’t forget about that ad you did back in NGWA. You know, ‘Jenna N’ Kandy’s Discount Carpet Warehouse?’” Terrrence added.

“Oh yeah, I had forgotten about that one.” Pollaski said, a fond smile on his face.

“I wish I had...” I muttered

“Well, to be fair, they DID sleep with like half the locker room.” Pollaski replied. “The point is, those were all like eight years ago. I’ve matured since then. I now admire the female for not just her curves, but for her brains, and her personality.”

“And Veronika’s got one outta three,” Terrence snorted, which turned into a wince as I sharply elbowed him in his side.

“Have a care what you say about the lady, sir.” Pollaski said stiffly, then looked down at his clothes. “You know, if I’m going to impress someone, I should probably get some new threads. Don’t get up though, I’ll take the bus. See you at the gym. Ring’s at eleven!”

Pollaski quickly got up from the table, and left the RV, leaving Terrence and I alone at the table, with Theresa still watching cartoons on the couch. Terrence and I looked at each other.

“You do realize this is only going to end in disaster, right?” I asked quietly.

Terrence shrugged. “What’s the harm in it? Pollaski’s smart enough to not let his newfound crush cost you a match or anything.”

“Its a hopeless fantasy, Terrence. There’s no way that-”

“Hey!” Terrence interrupted, and I glanced at him. He was grinning, and he put his arm around me, pulling me close into him. “A lot of guys like girls they logically have no shot at. But sometimes, a guys lucky enough to where he gets one anyways.”

I giggled, and smiled at the obvious compliment. “You really think he has a chance?”

“No way in hell,” Terrence started laughing. “The only question about this is how big a crater he’s gonna make when he hits.”

“Wonderful,” I muttered, pulling away from Terrence, and turning my attention to finishing my cereal.


===========================================
Saturday February 5, 2011
The RV- Main Cabin
Santa Monica, California
7:10 PM Local Time

[Here’s a bit of WhirlyBirdz parenting advice.]

[If you ever plan to take your little child on the carousel, try not to do it within a week of them watching the movie “Mary Poppins”. Apparently poor Theresa thought that the horses really did escape and go to cartoon lands filled with penguins pretending to be waiters, and, judging by the screaming when Terrence and Wendy tried to get her to ride, she wasn’t quite up for the journey. Oops.]

[On a side note, much to Terrence’s pleasure, she LOVED the bumper cars. Could the Thompson family have another demolition derby driver in the making?]

[Anyways, we’re back from the Pier, and it’s early evening of the next day in the WhirlyBirdz RV. Wendy sits on the couch in the main cabin, dressed in a dark green sweater and a pair of jeans. She seems to have the place for herself, as the rest of the family have gone for a nice twilight walk on the beach.]

“Well, first of all, I never got a chance to say it last week, but I guess I owe a bit of congratulations to Kris Keebler for his victory over me at Shatterpoint 6. I know neither of us are particularly happy about the outcome, thanks to Szalinski’s interference, but it is what it is. I also owe you an apology for interference coming from my own camp last week. My husband, he gets a little... overprotective of me sometimes, and sometimes acts without thinking things completely through. I know he did it out of love for me, but that doesn’t change the fact that you ended up getting tainted wins two weeks in a row.”

[Wendy flashes an apologetic smile, and shrugs]

“Nevertheless, I heard your comments from earlier in the week last week, and I’m glad to see that match gave you some modicum of respect for me. I’m sure the rematch between you and I will be inevitable, and I hope this time we can give it the proper conclusion it deserves.”

“In the mean time, I’m glad to hear that you will soon be reunited with Kristi. I don’t know what Victoria’s motives were for what she did, nor do I particularily care. Kidnapping is an evil and cowardly trick, and I hope you manage to give her everything she has coming to her at Revelations.”

[Wendy pauses for just a second, and sighs. As mentioned before, considering she’s been down that road, kidnapping has a profound effect on her. Also, she’s about to go to an unpleasant topic.]

“As for me, my road curves in an entirely different direction this week. We’re one week away from Revelations. One week away from deciding the first ever X3W champion between Madman Szalinski and myself. Now, considering I’m coming off a loss, I sure as heck don’t want to be entering the biggest match of my career on a losing streak. It’s interesting, my final match before the pay-per-view is the very same person I made my debut against in X3W. I guess you can say I’ve come full-circle, so to speak.”

[A really unpleasant topic]

“And of course, I’m completely thrilled over the prospect of facing the ‘great’ Kenneth X. Rockwell again.”

[There may be just a bit of sarcasm there.]

“Rockwell, at least we can agree on one thing. The last time we faced, I did get a bit lucky.”

“At least that’s what I can say. You, on the other hand, have absolutely no one to blame but yourself. After all, you were the one who hit your Check Mark on me, then tried to pin me when I was lying next to the ropes.”

[Wendy laughs softly, but the expression on her face shows very little mirth]

“You know, for being someone who incessantly proclaims himself the greatest wrestler there is, you sure have a lousy sense of ring presence”

[Small sigh, and Wendy shakes her head in disgust with herself.]

“I made a horrible mistake in that match- I lost my concentration and allowed myself to be distracted. Luckily, a moment that could have been disastrous for me wasn’t, and I managed to battle back and pull out the win. Rest assured though, Kenneth, whether my mistakes cost me or not, I do learn from them, and you can bet that I won’t be making the same error again, regardless of what happens on the outside.”

[Wendy shakes her head again, although this time its more out of bemusement]

“Because honestly, what’s going on between my manager and your valet actually has little to do with me. But just think for a second, and realize that perhaps you two brought this problem on yourselves. Before we faced back at the second Shatterpoint, I warned you. I warned the both of you, that if Veronika attempted in anyway to disrupt this match, there would be consequences. You ignored me, to your own ultimate demise.”

[A small shrug]

“I can’t exactly condone what’s been done since then... in fact, I’ve found some of it downright nauseating. But it seems that, whatever was going on at first, Daniel’s actually developed some sort of...”

[Wendy pauses for a second, as if she can’t bring herself to say what she’s about to. Finally, she sighs, rolling her eyes.]

“You know what? Forget it. For the sake of my own sanity, I’m not even going to TRY to figure out what’s going through my manager’s head. Pollaski will be in my corner, just like he always is, and he’ll have the exact same instructions he always does- prevent any interference from disrupting this match. If that doesn’t suit you, Kenneth, then leave Veronika back in the locker room. Lock the door even, if it makes you feel more comfortable.”

[Wendy pauses for just a second, then puts on the most sarcastic tone she can muster]

“It’s probably best that you do, anyways. After all, we wouldn’t want Veronika to be jealous of the ‘special thing’ that’s about to happen between us, would we?”

[Wendy’s posture’s gone completely rigid, and there’s a flame in her emerald green eyes. Moreso than the determination she normally shows, here, Wendy’s actually looking a little on the angry side]

“Kenneth, I thought you were an arrogant pig the first time I’ve met you, but somehow, over the last couple months you have managed to become even dirtier, and squeal even louder. If your goal was to offend me, well, rest assured- you succeeded.”

[Wendy snorts derisively, and rolls her eyes]

“But after five years in this business, competing against men and women from all walks of life, do you honestly think its anything I haven’t heard before? You honestly think that you’re the first chauvinist pig I’ve had the misfortune of facing? Whatever high opinion you may hold of yourself, there are plenty of sexist pigs dotting the wrestling landscape who have little more than a foul-mouth and some deranged deluded ego that makes them think they’re special.”

[If anything, she’s even angrier now. Her voice is clipped, and her composure is completely stiff, as if she’d like nothing more than to grab the camera and start calling Rockwell every name she can think of. She manages to keep it under control though.]

“You made a pretty disgusting threat in your diatribe there, Rockwell. But considering that you’d have to hold me down for a far longer period than you’ve managed to keep anyone down in this company to date, its a threat that’s hard to take seriously.”

[Despite yet another sarcastic joke, Wendy conveys absolutely no amusement whatsoever]

“Nevertheless, I will warn you. As strong as my honor is in wrestling matches, it PALES in comparison to my own personal honor. So know that if you get it in your tiny little Neanderthal brain to try ANYTHING, rest assured that when I’m done with you, Veronika, and supposedly the rest of us females, will be VERY disappointed.”

[Wendy snorts again, and shakes her head in disgust, only this time, that disgust is directed purely at the object of her monologue]

“Seriously, Rockwell. All this filth you’re uttering has you losing credibility by the second. So after I finally thrash you for good at Shatterpoint this week, do us all a favor, and take your misogyny, take your horrifically appalling sense of fashion, and especially take your idiotic pseudo-mohawk of a hairstyle, and go join the cast of the Jersey Shore where at least you’ll blend in.”

[For just a second, Wendy’s lips twitch up, and the fire in her eyes dims somewhat. Wendy sighs, and shakes her head again. The anger’s mostly gone now, replaced by a sense of exasperation.]

“I’m tired of your disrespect, Kenneth, but I’ve long ago learned that its impossible to beat respect into someone. True respect only comes voluntary, and I doubt that I’ll be getting that from you anytime soon. Still, you obviously could use a bit of an attitude adjustment. Perhaps getting your head spiked to the mat by a Vortexinator or spending a couple minutes in the Banshee would be an enlightening experience for you.”

“At the very least, I’m sure tearing you apart will be somewhat of a therapeutic experience for me. Just a shame I’m actually going to have to bring myself to touch you again.”

[A small grim smile, and a shrug]

“Ah well, I guess we all have to make some sacrifices, right?”

[Fade]

EPISODE 76: Swatted

Saturday February 5, 2011
Terrence’s Charger on Rodeo Drive
Los Angeles, California
11:57 AM Local Time

“What? You’re not entering?”

It was a good thing we were stopped at a red light. Otherwise, I probably would have rammed my Charger into the back of the Porsche 911 that we were behind. I was too busy staring at my wife in shock over the announcement she had just made.

“Pollaski and I were talking about it this morning. It’s simply a matter of having too much on my plate. I’m already a tag champion, and I’m about to compete for the X3W World Championship. Why push my luck?”

I nodded in agreement, but I could tell that Wendy was saying the words with difficulty. It wasn’t like her to throw away a grand opportunity, especially one that would grant her a shot at something like the Undisputed Panda title. But there was resolve in her voice as well, and I knew that Wendy wouldn’t have made a decision like this without careful consideration.

The blaring cacophony of a half-dozen horns behind me made me look up. The light was green, and the 911 was already about two hundred yards away. “Shit!” I barked, ramming my foot on the gas so hard the rear tires squealed in protest. Wendy made no comment on my lack of concentration, just looked out the window as the sights of Rodeo Drive passed by.

“Wait, why are you talking to Pollaski about this, and not me?” I finally asked.

“Because Pollaski’s my manager, and you’re not.” Wendy looked over at me and shrugged. “Besides, what would you have said? Would you have encouraged me, or tried to talk me out of it?”

I thought about it for several seconds. “I don’t know,” I finally confessed.

“That’s why I didn’t talk to you,” Wendy replied with a soft smile. “On one hand, removing me from the match would give you a much better chance at winning the battle royal. On the other hand, I know you don’t want me sacrificing my career for the sake of yours. I didn’t want to stick you with that dilemma.”

“Well, yeah, but now that my tag team partner is out of the match, I’m going to have to do all the work,” I said, shooting my wife a grin to let her know that I was kidding. In truth, I was impressed by how much thought Wendy had put into all this. I probably shouldn’t have been- Wendy rarely made a decision without carefully considering the consequences.

Wendy smiled back at my joke, then shrugged. “Well with me out of the match, there’s no one any good left to oppose you, so congratulations.”

The sarcasm was evident in my wife’s voice, and her tone carried a measure of rebuke as well. “Not quite,” I said, grinning. “I still gotta win the thing.”

“But you said...”

“I know what I said,” I interrupted, waving my right arm in dismissal. “But you know me better than anyone else in the world, hon. Am I ever overconfident? Do I ever just go into a match, expecting everything to be handed to me? Do I not earn every victory through my own sweat and blood?”

“I know,” Wendy replied, sighing. “But sometimes, you come off a little... arrogant.”

I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help myself. I risked another glance at my wife and saw that she was definitely miffed. I forced myself to stop laughing, and looked over at Wendy. “Sorry for laughing, but how the hell am I arrogant? Because I know that I’m good?”

“I think that’s the definition of arrogant...” Wendy replied.

“No, that’s the definition of self-confidence. These wrestling companies, they want us to sit in front of a goddamn camera and give our opinions of the match. If I’m gonna plop my butt down and open my wordhole, I’m gonna be honest. If I were to face every single fucking person in CPW ten times each, I’d beat every single one of them at least seven or eight times out of those ten. I’m sorry if it sounds like bragging, but that’s the way I feel about it. And if the locker room doesn’t like it, they can prove me wrong.”

“Am I included in that?” Wendy asked quietly.

I paused for another second, then broke into a grin. “Nah, you and I could go five and five, easily.”

Wendy smiled, then pulled on her left arm, trying to stretch muscles that were cramping from sitting in the car for a while. “Well, I’m glad you at least have respect for me.”

I snorted, and shook my head again. “I respect people hon. I’m well aware that on any given match, any person in that match can come away with a win, no matter how unlikely it seems on paper. I’ve been on both sides of the coin on that. And when people DO beat me, I give them props.” I broke into another grin. “Its just, THAT never happens, so no ever sees me eating humble pie.”

Wendy shook her head, although she couldn’t help but smile herself. “Terrence Thompson, you are incorrigible.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, still grinning at her. “But you still love me.”

“I do,” Wendy sighed, then pointed ahead. “I’d love you even more if you didn’t ram us into the back of that Porsche...”

“What? Oh, FUCK!” I screamed as I saw the 911 stopped several feet ahead. I slammed on the breaks, and Wendy shrieked as she was pitched forward, being caught by her seatbelt. Luckily, the high quality brake discs on my car did their job, and my Charger came to a stop inches from the Porsche’s bumper. The recoil slammed Wendy back into her seat, thankfully not giving her whiplash. I looked over at her and grinned. “Oops.”

“Thank God you wrestle better than you drive,” Wendy remarked, looking back out the window.

“Ouch,” I muttered, focusing my attention on the red light across the intersection. Nice girl she might be, but Wendy sure knew how to kick a guy where it hurt.

===============================
Saturday February 5, 2011
The RV- Main Cabin
Santa Monica, California
6:10 PM Local Time

[We open our scene in the main cabin of the Birdz’ RV. Wendy Briese is sitting on the sofa, reading this week’s edition of the National Review, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the camera has just turned on. From the right hand side, Terrence walks in, sitting down next to Wendy. Terrence is holding what appears to be a bottle of pills. He opens the cap, and pours a couple into his hands, before chewing (yes, chewing) and swallowing them. He then thrusts the bottle at Wendy, who looks up, wondering why she just had a small white pill bottle shoved in her face.]

Wendy Briese: “Yes, Terry?”

Terrence Thompson: [sounding like he’s reciting memorized lines] “Wendy, these Cherrybombs are giving me a headache with all thier rambling! I’m sure you must feel the same way!”

[Wendy looks at her husband, obviously completely lost. She then looks at the bottle in her husbands hands]

Wendy: “Terrence, these are Theresa’s Flintstones vitamins.”

[Terrence suddenly looks irritated, and he mouths at Wendy to ‘play along’. Wendy stares at her husband like he’s an alien, before turning back to her magazine. Terrence, desperate now, tries again]

Terrence: “Are you sure, hon? I know the annoying buzzing of Haley Dark and Belladonna have to be pounding in your head as well!”

[Wendy doesn’t even look up]

Wendy: “Terry, if you have that bad of a headache, there’s some Ibuprofin in the cupboard above the fridge. Honestly, I don’t see how you missed it when you grabbed the vitamins.”

[Terrence, now utterly defeated that Wendy’s not playing along, gets up from the couch, and the scene fades]

=========================
Saturday February 5, 2011
The RV- Main Cabin
Santa Monica, California
6:17 PM Local Time

[Scene opens up again, Wendy’s still on the couch, reading her magazine. Terrence sits down again, next to her, and for a second, just sits there. Suddenly, he makes a grab at the air, then another, as if trying to catch something. This action makes Wendy look up from her magazine, and over at her husband. Terrence merely grins back at her, and Wendy, shaking her head, turns her attention back to her magazine. Terrence makes another couple grabs, then gets up from the couch]

[He returns a couple minutes later, this time holding a fly swatter. He takes a few swings at the air, but doesn’t seem to hit anything. He begins flailing the fly swatter about, the actions again driving Wendy to distraction from her magazine, and she looks up.]

Wendy: “Terrence, what are you-”

*WHAP!*

[Right in the kisser, Alice!]

[Wendy bleats in pain, and holds her hand to her mouth, as Terrence looks positively mortified at what he did.]

Terrence: “Oh God! Wendy, are you okay? I’m so sorry... I didn’t.. that was completely an accident.”

[Wendy, with the hand not clutching her mouth, shoves her husband away]

Wendy: “Terrence Andrew Thompson, what the HELL are you doing?”

[Middle name came out. She’s pissed]

Terrence: [stammering] “I was... just... I...”

[Wendy, thankfully not bleeding, looks over at her husband, angrily awaiting an explanation]

Terrence: “I was just saying how the Cherrybombs are like annoying flies buzzing around my head.”

Wendy: “And to do that, you needed to hit me with THIS?”

[Wendy rips the fly swatter out of her husbands hands]

Terrence: “Well, that was an accident. I was trying to be dramatic.”

Wendy: “I’LL SHOW YOU DRAMATIC!”

*WHAP!*

[So much for refusing to use weapons, eh?]

Terrence: “OW! That hurts!”

Wendy: “Oh, really? It hurts? YOU THINK, TERRENCE?”

*WHAP! WHAP!*

[Terrence tries to fend off the blows, and backs away from the irate redhead, but Wendy bears down on him as he backs out of the picture]

Terrence: [from off camera]“Okay, I’m sorry but- [*WHAP!*] there’s really no need to- [*WHAP!*] You know, that’s kinda hot... [*WHAP!*] Okay, that’s not- [*WHAP!*] Look, I’m sorry, okay? [*WHAP!*] Okay, stop! [*WHAP!*] You’ve made your point-[*WHAP!*] Okay, this is starting to be domestic abuse [*WHAP!*] Please? [*WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPHWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP!*] STOP IT!”

[The scene cuts out as Wendy continues to beat her husband with the flyswatter]

======================================
Saturday February 5, 2011
The RV- Main Cabin
Santa Monica, California
6:32 PM Local Time

[Okay, we’re gonna try this one more time.]

[Wendy’s back on the sofa, although no longer reading the magazine. Terrence is sitting to her left (our right), looking pretty sore, with several red welts on his face. Wendy looks at her husband with a mixture of irritation and amusement. Terrence, for his part, won’t dare to meet Wendy’s eye]

Terrence: “You know, hon, these Cherrybombs are really starting to get on my nerves.”

[Wendy looks over at her husband?]

Wendy: “Really, Terrence? I have absolutely NO idea what that would be like.”

[Ouch]

Terrence: “Look, I’m sorry, okay?”

[Wendy shrugs]

Wendy: “And I already forgave you, hon.”

[Terrence grimaces.]

Terrence: “Yeah, you ‘forgave’ me like twenty-five times.”

Wendy: “Thirty-four times. But I don’t blame you for losing count.”

[Terrence sighs]

Wendy: “Anyways, the Cherrybombs?”

[The mauled patriarch of the Thompson clan perks up just a bit]

Terrence: “Right, them. All that twirling and rhyming and randomness and... well dear god. It’s like Dr. fuggin’ Seuss cut a promo on us.”

[Wendy smiles]

Wendy: “I thought it was cute.”

[Pause]

Terrence: “Cute? There’s no room for CUTE in pro wrestling!”

[Wendy’s going to totally beg to differ on that.]

Wendy: “I’m going to totally beg to differ on that.”

[Told you. Anyways, Terrence isn’t really in the mood to argue the point.]

Terrence: “I mean, it wouldn’t be so damned annoying if Belladonna and Hayley Dark had a clue what they were talking about, but alas, as seems to be the case around here, they don’t.

[Wendy shrugs. She actually kind of agrees with her husbands assessment here]

Terrence: “First of all, I’m going to make this really clear. I don’t overlook ANYONE. I’ve been in this business long enough to know that you can’t afford to. I didn’t get this far in my career by just assuming my opponents are going to roll over and die for me, and I sure as hell have benefited from upsets a couple of times myself.”

[Terrence shrugs, and continues]

Terrence: “You think that someone as perceptive Belladonna and Hayley Dark would have figured that out. Wendy over there weighs one-thirty on the average, and she’s beaten the hell out of more people larger than her than I can count. You think I’m dumb enough to assume that these two can’t do the same?”

[Wendy smiles just a tad, probably because she just beat the hell out of Terrence]

Terrence: “If you guys, or anyone else, wants to think that I’m arrogant, that’s your call. Believe whatever the hell you want to believe. Personally, I view it as confidence. I know that Wendy and I can beat the Cherrybombs, just as I know that I can win the battle royal, or the Undisputed Panda Championship, or anything else under the sun. If you wanna hate me for thinking that, its your prerogative.”

[For just a second, Terrence looks really, truly, irritated]

Terrence: “Now, as far ‘biting the hand that feeds us, please. I have no problem with Camilla Pazzini, and near as I can tell, she’s the one who signed us to CPW, and she’s the one who stuck us in the match. If you want to be bitter that we took the opportunity that was given to us, and made the most of it, then go ahead. The fact is, the both of you were in that match, and neither of you could pull it off. We did.”

[Terrence, reaches out, and lightly smacks Wendy on the shoulder.]

Wendy: “What?”

[Terrence shrugs]

Terrence: “I’m tagging you in. Its your turn.”

[Wendy folds her arms across her chest]

Wendy: “Terrence, that’s AMAZINGLY stupid.”

[Terrence only shrugs]

Terrence: “Well, go with it. We don’t have much time.”

[Wendy shrugs in return, and turns towards the camera]

Wendy: “I too think that the Cherrybombs have gotten a bit of a misinterpretation of what we’re about. They acknowledge that we’re veterans, that we’re two of the better teams in this sport, and yet, they automatically assume that because my husband likes to talk a big game, we’re going to make some rookie mistakes.”

[Terrence smirks, but Wendy doesn’t seem to notice]

Wendy: “First of all, I know Hayley Dark doesn’t have the accolades her partner does, but considering that I’ve spent my whole career being regarded as the second-fiddle on my own team, you think I’m going to write her off because of that? Hardly. I’d actually love to see Hayley break out into singles competitions as well, and really show what she can do. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to be so eager to do that here.”

Terrence: “Or even talk much. I noticed Belladonna pretty much did all the talking there...”

[Wendy pauses, then shrugs. Its not her place to judge]

Wendy: “Second, do the Cherrybombs really have that little regard for us, where they think we can’t improvise in a match? It was once said that those who are good make plans, but the great ones know when to abandon those plans. I’d like to think that Terrence and I are pretty great at what we do. Like anyone, whether its pro wrestling, football, basketball, or even baseball, you have to be prepared to adjust. Terrence and I can adjust as well as anybody.”

[Terrence nods his agreement, as Wendy continues]

Wendy: “I’m not entering the battle royal, because I wanted to focus on this match, and my upcoming title shot in X3W. I know how important this match is, as does my husband. We hardly proved anything when we won the tag titles, and now its our chance to start proving that we truly are the best team in CPW.”

[Wendy breaks in a smile]

Wendy: “And I, for one, am hoping that we can live up to the challenge.”

[Terrence chuckles, and looks over at his wife]

Terrence: “You know, Wendy. It’s fitting that the Cherrybombs mentioned the word ‘doom’ no less than thirty-nine times in their first promo. You know why?”

[Wendy rolls her eyes at the inevitably cheesy line.]

Wendy: “Because they meet their doom on Monday?”

Terrence: “Damn right. Because who dat think they better than the WhirlyBirdz?”

[Wendy shakes her head in amusement and exasperation, then finally sighs]

Wendy: “Who ‘dat’?”

[Fade]