Narrator: They were one of the most successful tag teams in wrestling history...
[flashback cut]
BJ: FLOWERSFALL!!!!
[Wendy goes for the cover and hooks the leg.]
1...
2...
[Frost charges in and gets drilled with a massive spear from Twister to cut him off.]
3!!!!
[DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!!]
BJ: THE BIRDZ DID IT!!! THE BIRDZ HAVE JUST WON THE CROCKETT CUP!!!!
Narrator: And even though professionally, they’ve gone their separate ways...
[flashback cut]
Announcer: Terrence Thompson coming out of turn four.... TAKES the Chase the Taste 200 for his third victory of the season!
Narrator: They’re still doing what they love the best.
[flashback cut]
Lunging into an attempted lockup, Wendy sidesteps and pulls Tara to the mat, hooking her arm and pulling back on her head with a perfect Crippler Crossface. Tara refuses to quit, only for Wendy to pull back further, increasing the pressure. Tara claws at Wendy’s iron grasp and reaches for the ring ropes only to find them agonisingly far away as the No Surrender Champion once more increases the pressure and finally, with no other option available, Tara taps reluctantly on the mat, Malcolm Parks calling for the bell.
Mark: WENDY’S DONE IT!!! It took a submission hold we don’t normally see from her, but that’s a testament to just how damn good she it and how technically sound this woman is!
CCM: Tara was taken by surprise with the Crippler Crossface, right in the middle of the ring and was ultimately left with no option. And I think the only person more pissed off then Tara right now will be Samantha Star, having seen the Power Trip lose gold in this match.
Cory: Here is your winner...the reigning FFW NO SURRENDER CHAMPION and NEW FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION....WENDY BRIESE!!!
Narrator: They are... THE WHIRLYBIRDZ
A graphic appears on the screen
ESPN PRESENTS: ON THE ROAD- THE WHIRLYBIRDZ
==============================
We then cut to an exterior shot of the RV, a massive 45 footer painted a dark blue with green accents, sitting in the middle of a sunny parking lot. A smaller graphic appears along the bottom of the screen:
FRIDAY JULY 5 4:37 PM
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
A cut to the interior, which is quite nice and modern- the furnishings and decor are more akin to an upper-tier condominium than what one would expect in a traditional RV. A bunch of crew members are hooking up cameras and microphones. Then a cut to Wendy, who’s standing a short distance away with the RV in the background, wearing sunglasses.
Wendy: “When ESPN first approached us about taking part in the on the road series, I was a bit nervous. It’s just kind of weird putting your personal life out there like that. But it’s really only for a day, and I guess the way we do get around is unique and interesting.”
Then to Terrence
Terrence: “Even though I’m no longer an active wrestler, we’re still a team, being married with a daughter. And that’s really why we bought the RV. Because both of our jobs demand that we’re on the road as much as possible, so if we can’t be home, why not bring home with us? We wanted to make it as easy as we possibly could on us, and especially Theresa. And as it much as it works out, it lets us stay together, and I can go to her shows, and she can come to my races. Although occasionally we do have to separate... and then I get the RV and she flies.”
Terrence looks around nervously, then whispers.
Terrence: “She doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Back to Wendy
Wendy: “There is no off-season for professional wrestling, and when it adds up, you’re probably on the road for as many days as a baseball player would be. But unlike baseball players... we’re responsible for our own transportation. So, you know, at least this makes one less thing you have to worry about. And it helps turn what could be tedious travelling into somewhat of an adventure. So its really something I feel so blessed to have.”
Another cut, to the Birdz and Pollaski standing outside the RV, still waiting on the technicians.
Wendy: (almost whispering) “They’re not putting a camera in the bathroom, so if you change clothes, do it in there.”
Terrence: “There’s one in the bedroom? Does that mean...?”
Wendy: “No.”
Terrence: “But they wouldn’t air it... probably. And we could maybe get a copy for ourselves. I bet it would be...”
Wendy’s starting to turn crimson in anger and embarassment.
Wendy: “NO!”
Cut to Wendy a ways from the RV again.
Wendy: “I’m hoping beyond all hope this isn’t a bad idea.”
She sighs. Cut back to them standing in a group.
Theresa: “Man, this is boring. And I’m hot. How soon until they’re going to be done?”
Wendy smiles consolingly.
Wendy: “I don’t know, Terr-Bear. We just have to patien-”
Sound guy: “OKAY WE’RE DONE!”
Wendy: “Or now... that’d be good.”
====================================
5:52 PM
HAMMOND, INDIANA
We’re now inside the RV, which is evidently rolling, a shot from an exterior camera shows it’s the legendary Chicago Skyway to Indiana. Terrence is sitting in the cockpit, both hands on the wheel as he maneuvers the massive vehicle through traffic.
Terrence: “So, ah, we’re going to stop in Chesterton tonight, just west of Michigan City. Just been a long day, spending time in Chicago, and we had a late night last night with the show and fireworks. So we’re just going to grab some Subway, and have a nice early evening, before making the drive tomorrow.”
There’s a pause.
Terrence: “We donated all our change to the burger cookout last night, didn’t we?”
Wendy’s voice comes in from the back of the RV.
Wendy: “I think so, why?”
Terrence sighs.
Terrence: “Because there’s a tollbooth coming up, and all I have is... Anyone have ANY change?”
This is immediately followed by all murmurs of negativity amongst the passengers.
Terrence: “You all sure? Check your pockets...”
A rustling sound.
Wendy: “Nope, sorry.”
Terrence: “Pollaski?”
Pollaski, sitting in shotgun, makes no move whatsoever.
Pollaski: “Nope, sorry. All I have in here is gum.”
Terrence: “...well... crap.”
========================
5:59 PM
GARY, INDIANA
The scene cuts to a rapidly accelerating RV, apparently pulling away from the tollbooth. Terrence looks like he’s spent the last five minutes getting his ass royally handed to him by the tollbooth operator. He sighs.
Terrence: “I am now positive there is no way to pay a three dollar toll with a hundred dollar bill and not come off looking like a complete douchebag.
From the shotgun seat, we hear a rustling sound, as Pollaski’s digging in his pocket.
Pollaski: “Oh, hey! This isn’t a gum wrapper! It’s a five dollar bill! My bad!”
Terrence grits his teeth, glaring over at Pollaski. Then slams on the brakes, illiciting a shriek from both Theresa and Wendy. Pollaski, on the other hand...
Pollaski: “AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
*THUD*
...goes flying face first into the dashboard. slumping to the ground. Terrence immediately re-accelerates.
Terrence: “Oh, gee. Looks like you forgot to buckle your seatbelt.”
Pollaski merely whimpers as Terrence continues to drive.
===========================
6:31 PM
CHESTERTON, INDIANA
Considering the RV has just entered a campground, its moving a little too fast for any one with safety- or sanity- on their mind. Pollaski is now buckled in, white faced, and hanging on for dear life, although his anxiety is nothing compared to Wendy’s- who’s holding three bags of Subway and is being bounced around in the back, despite having her seatbelt buckled. Theresa’s being bounced around a bit too, but she seems to be under the impression she’s on an awesome carnival ride.
Wendy: “Terry! Would you slow it down?! You’re going to hit-”
Terrence: “Dan, we’ve got six minutes until the green flag drops. You know what you’re doing?”
Pollaski: “P-p-op outs and sta-ta-ta-baliz-ers. R-r-ight?”
Terrence: “Exactly. I got Parking Brake, water and power hookup, and the satellite dish. Wendy?”
Wendy only looks incredulous as she’s nearly launched out of her seatbelt by a speedbump. Terrence is obviously getting no satisfaction from her. Not that it seems to matter.
Terrence: “Right, you’re getting dinner plated. Alright gang! On my mark... get set.... GO!”
Terrence slams the breaks on the RV, and he and Pollaski immediately burst into motion, rushing out of the RV to prepare it to stay overnight, leaving a completely nonplussed Wendy behind holding the Subway bags. Cut to Terrence standing outside on a confessional cam, the RV behind him, with Pollaski running around making sure the stablizers are set.
Terrence: “Obviously I’m not missing a NASCAR race if I can help it, although sometimes we cut things a little close. So Pollaski and I have gotten it down to a science on how to get set up quickly. We’re like our own little pit crew for our RV.
Pollaski: “WHY THE HELL AM I DOING ALL THE WORK!?”
Terrence shrugs, and turns around.
Terrence: “You’re doing good, Pollaski! Keep it up! ”
==============================
8:31 PM
INDIANA DUNES STATE PARK
Back to a confession cam, again outside, although this time it’s Wendy who’s in front of the camera. She’s sitting on a lawn chair, looking out at the sun setting over Lake Michigan. She’s smiling softly.
Wendy: “Terrence and Pollaski are obviously inside, still watching that race. But sometimes... it’s just nice to get outside, enjoy the sunset, and breathe some fresh air. A good time for thinking, y’know?”
She looks out over the lake, where the sun has just disappeared below the horizon.
Wendy: “Tomorrow, its on to Toronto and the Unity Tag Team Show Monday. You know, I was kind of surprised I was even booked on the show, considering it’s highlighting tag teams and I’m not offically in one right now. But then I realized that it was a six-femme, and I was tagging with Spectra Fantasia against the Power Trip, and you bet your bottom dollar that I was excited about it.
She smiles softly, her face a shade of orange in the dying sunlight.
Wendy: “I’d like to think I know something about tag team wrestling, and I can say that Spectra Fantasia is one of the best teams I’ve ever seen. Just, looking at them team, the chemistry they have... it reminds so much of the way Terrence and I used to work together. They trust each other implicitly, both in and out of the ring. There’s a reason why they never lost the Unity titles in the ring. And to be in a six-femme tag match in their corner is both an honor and a privilege.”
Wendy takes a quick sip of the Snapple she had sitting beside her.
Wendy: “I don’t really think there’s much that Camilla and I see eye to eye on. I doubt she likes to hear it, but there’s a lot of similarities between her and her sister, their stubbornness coming first and foremost. But Camilla is a woman that you just can’t help but respect. The power she has is just so formidable, and there aren’t many women in this sport who can utilize it as effectively as she does. And I know she likes to do that trolling thing like Pollaski does, and stir the pot whenever she can, but you can tell her hearts in the right place.”
Wendy shrugs, brushing a loose strand of her flame-colored hair from her face.
Wendy: “And it’s a big heart she’s got. She can certainly battle back from pain. We saw it when she came back from her injuries in January... a heck of a lot quicker than I made it back from mine, that’s for sure. If she’s to be the only Pazzini remaining in FFW after Unstoppable, well, it’s definitely the right one.
Wendy chuckles silently, shaking her head.
Wendy: “But with all due respect to Camilla, the one I’m MOST excited to be teaming with is Val. I’ve faced Valerie in a strange bedfellows tag match back in PWX. I’ve faced her when the Birdz and the Belmonts met. And I faced her one on one in the Femme For All. All the while, I always thought it’d be interesting to have the opportunity to team with her. Pollaski used to joke that if I ever got sick of teaming with Terrence, Val and I should team up and call ourselves “Ginger Snaps.””
Wendy laughs again, this time a bit louder at her bad joke.
Wendy: “From the first time I saw Val in the ring, I knew she was going to be something great. I wasn’t surprised in the least bit that she won the FFW Championship. It was something I knew she could do all along. And she’s only... what? Twenty-four? She’s got so much of a future ahead of her, it’s almost awe inspiring. It’s safe to say Valerie Lamb will be wowing audiences for a long time after older people like myself have hung them up for good.”
Wendy grimaces, and looks back out at the darkening sky.
Wendy: “It puts some pressure on me, though, doesn’t it? I’m the third wheel here, coming in to team with one of the best tag teams in FFW history, two women who are nigh unbeatable when they’re together. And I’m not exactly keen to watch their run of dominance come to a crashing halt on my watch, and I’m sure they aren’t either. We’ve talked quite a bit at Velocity about how I’m going to fit into the overall strategy here. But it’s all conjecture, really. Until we actually get in that ring and the match starts, we won’t know for sure.
Wendy sighs deeply, and looks down.
Wendy: “Still, I don’t think this is going to be a repeat of Great Expectations. For one, I’m much more confident that I know what I’ll be getting from Camilla and Valerie when I step into the ring. And I just feel more comfortable about this. I mean... I managed to team with Crystal Hilton, and everything worked out okay, so this should be a walk in the park by comparison, right? Either way, I owe it to Val to do everything I can for her and Camilla. Think of it... as an apology of some sort.”
Wendy pauses for a second, and then sighs even deeper. She almost looks guilty.
Wendy: “You know, professional wrestling is a full contact sport, and I know we’re risking physical harm to our bodies by what we do. BUt even more than that... there’s so much emotion involved in it. Especially in a company like FFW, where one win can mean everything here. So you put all that time and effort in, and invest so much of yourself, so when it’s all said and done...”
She swallows hard, fidgeting slightly.
Wendy: “It’s hard enough to swallow your pride after being beaten in this sport. To go on Twitter, or television, and congratulate your opponent on winning, and say that they were the better woman that night. It’s certainly humbling, and I’ve yet to meet a wrestler who enjoys being humbled, whether its against someone they admire greatly, or someone they despise. And when there’s something else on the line, like a title or a shot at one, and that all goes away... it just multiplies things. It’s not easy to deal with, and anyone who says it is I’ll claim is a liar.”
A small pause.
Wendy: “So imagine what its like to not only have to deal with the disappointment of being beaten, but facing a career threatening injury to boot. You want to be the good sport, try to take it in stride, say it’s just what happens, but deep down, there’s resentment. There’s bitterness. There’s always ‘what the heck did you have to go and do that for?’.”
Wendy gives a small, crooked smile.
Wendy: “Let’s just say, from a mental standpoint, it took a lot longer for me to get over being injured like that than I pretended. I can’t say for certain how long, but I can tell you that for a decent while, there was a time where deep down, I wanted Val to lose pretty much every match she was in. It’s pretty duplicitous, considering that I was quick to tell everyone it wasn’t her fault. But deep down, you get to thinking ‘well, she WAS the one who threw me on the stupid steps, and then targeted my back several times for the rest of the match.”
A long, shuddering sigh. Wendy’s clearly emotional about this.
Wendy: “And a lot of times, when you’re bitter about something, you go back and watch the tape. Just to remind yourself why you were angry, in case you could forget something like that. But it was funny.. the more and more I watched our match... the more and more I realized that it wasn’t because of Val I was out for six months. It was because of Val I could even come back in the first place!”
Wendy bites her lip, and looks back out over the lake for another couple of minutes.
Wendy: “Val went for the win, and did everything she could to make it happen, but you watch that tape. You can tell right away that she was being careful. Had it been any of the three women we’re facing on Monday, I’d have been crippled for the rest of my life, and they’d have done it gladly. Val, she never went over that line. She did what was needed, and no more, and because of that, I’m teaming with her at Unity.”
Wendy pauses, and takes another drink of her snapple, swallowing hard.
Wendy: “The next time I’m in a match with Val, I doubt we’re going to be on the same side. It might be for the FFW Championship. It might be for a contendership. I don’t know. But I do know that none of this means anything when that happens. I’m going for the win, and I’m not holding back until I get it, and I doubt Val would expect anything less of me. That means that Unity is my one chance. The way I can tell her thank you, and I’m sorry, all in one go. Because this is more than just a six-femme to me. It’s a debt I owe, and I have to pay it now. So that’s-”
Wendy’s cut off as the RV door bursts open, and out runs Theresa, squealing with joy as she waves a lit sparkler around in the air.
Theresa: “FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS!”
Behind Theresa steps out Terrence and Pollaski, who’s holding a cardboard box filled with more fireworks. Terrence sees Wendy standing at the end, and glances over, grinning.
Terrence: “We’re shooting off some leftovers! You want in!”
Does Wendy look like the shooting fireworks off type? Especially when you consider...
Wendy: “Terry! Be careful! I don’t even think you’re allowed to shoot off fireworks in a state- AUGH!”
*BOOM!*
Wendy ducks frantically as a flaming colored ball comes whizzing right by her head, not from Terrence’s firework. She spins around, the camera rotating also to see... the park ranger holding up a roman candle out the window of his car.
Park Ranger: “WHOOO! FOURTH OF JULY!”
Wendy: “... But it’s the fifth... and fireworks are illegal in state...”
She gives up as a mortar flies into the sky, illuminating the night, and sighs deeply, sitting back down in resignation to watch the show.
================================
10:55 PM
INDIANA DUNES STATE PARK
Theresa: “Mommy? Do you think the Parks department will buy Mr. Ranger another house?”
We’re now in the RV, where Theresa’s lying in the RV’s hideabed in the main cabin, tucked in. She’s looking up at her mom inquisitively.
Wendy: “I’m sure it’s insured, honey. And the fire marshall is certain it wasn’t daddy’s bottlerocket that started it. Now get some sleep, okay? We’re getting up early tomorrow.”
Theresa nods sleepily, and is already dozing off as Wendy leaves the room, shutting off the light. The camera cuts to Wendy tiredly walking into her own bedroom, and giving her husband a kiss.
Wendy: “Goodnight, Terrence. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Terrence: “Good night, hon.”
The two tuck in, and the light goes off too. There’s a long silence, before...
Wendy: “Terrence... don’t you dare...”
Terrence: “You’re no fun.”
======================
SATURDAY JULY 6 5:59 AM
The camera’s cycle through different shots. Of Terrence and Wendy sleeping in their bed, Theresa in the hide-a-bed, and Pollaski wedged into a loft above the cockpit. Its not long before...
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
...three different alarm clocks go off, followed by three muttering adults all shutting them off.
======================
6:30 AM
At least everyone’s up now, moving about the now brightly lit cabin. Terrence is busy cooking something for breakfast, while Pollaski sits idly by, playing on his tablet. Theresa comes bounding out of the bedroom, dressed for the day, with Wendy following behind, still a little bleary eyed. Theresa sniffs the air.
Theresa: “What’s that smell?”
Terrence: “Breakfast. Good old fashioned biscuits and gravy.”
Theresa: “Ew... can’t we have Lucky Charms instead?”
Terrence: “Why? This is good home cookin’. A wise man once said that biscuits and gravy are what made him a man.”
Theresa: “Well, I don’t WANT to be a man.”
Terrence: “Well, thank God for that. The operation is expensive and I doubt our insurance-”
*SMACK!*
Wendy has a mean backhand.
Wendy: “You can have whatever you want for breakfast, Theresa. But if you have cereal, you need to have a yogurt too, for protein. I dont want you just filling up on empty carbs when you’re going to be riding in the RV all day, okay?”
Theresa nods eagerly.
=================
7:42 AM
Wendy’s on a confessional cam now, standing outside the RV.
Wendy: “Even after settling for just one night, getting ready to go is always a chore. You have to pack everything up. Make sure its put away, secure. Then there’s the safety checks... we made checklists so we can remember everything, but still...
Cut to Wendy, holding a hand radio and standing behind the RV, with Terrence’s voice coming over the radio.
Terrence: “Okay, the left blinker should be on.”
Sure enough, the left blinker is blinking.
Wendy: “Right.”
Terrence: “Wait... the RIGHT blinker is blinking?”
Wendy: “What? No! Terry, I...”
The left turn signal suddenly stops, and the right one starts to blink. At this moment, Theresa comes walking up behind Wendy.
Terrence: “What about now, hon?”
Theresa: “Mom, Pollaski wants to know where the elastic tie downs are.”
Obviously, two people demanding her attention at once isn’t sitting too well with Wendy.
Wendy: “Hold on, Terry. Theresa, they’re normally in the cabinet left of the sink, but I don’t think we have any left.”
Terrence: “NOW THE LEFT BLINKERS ON?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS WIRING?”
Wendy facepalms. Cut to Wendy back in the confessional.
Wendy: “...but somehow, God’s Mercy, we manage to get it done.”
=================
8:02 AM
An external shot at the RV, with voiceovers.
Terrence: “Alright gang... next stop, TORONTO!”
Everyone Else: “YAY!”
Terrence: “...Unless we stop for lunch first.”
Everyone Else: (Louder) “YAY!”
THe RV begins rolling out of the lot, turning up the street...
Wendy: TERRY STOP! We forgot the camera!
The RV screeches to a halt.
======================================
9:35 AM
KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN
The RV is most definitely on the road, heading up I-94 through Michigan at this point. Terrence and Pollaski are driving, while Wendy’s sitting in the back, playing a game of magnetic checkers with Theresa. Wendy’s just moved a piece onto Theresa’s end.
Wendy: “King me!”
Theresa looks slightly grumpy about that, but nonetheless, she takes one of Wendy’s captured pieces, and stacks it atop the original, crown side up.”
Theresa: “Aw, you’re too good at this.”
Wendy: “Hey, you beat me the last game, didn’t you? You’re getting really good at these strategic games. Anyways, your move.”
Theresa thinks for a second, scratching her chin, her lips pursed as she contemplates her move. Before she decides, however, curiosity overcomes her, and she looks up at her mom.
Theresa: “Are we all taking the RV to Houston?”
Wendy grimaces sadly.
Wendy: “No, sorry, Terr-Bear. Daddy’s got a race in New Jersey the next day, so he’ll be driving it there. I’ll have to fly down.”
Theresa: “Can I come with?”
Wendy shakes her head.
Wendy: “No. Sorry, hon, but I don’t think that’d be a good idea this time. It’s going to be a little bit hectic down there, and I’m not sure I want you watching this one until after its over.”
Given Theresa’s expression, this is something she’s definitely used to, but still not something she’s a fan of.
Theresa: “But its your first FFW main event...”
Wendy: “I know hon. But I just have this feeling that Isabella’s going to try to... make her final match as memorable as she possibly can, and I really don’t want you watching and getting frightened, okay?”
Theresa: “But now that you told me she’s going to try to hurt you... won’t I be frightened anyways? So then there’s no point in not letting me watch, is it?”
There’s a smirk on Theresa’s face, as if she just caught her mom in a ‘gotcha’. Wendy opens her mouth to respond, then closes it. She’s completely at a loss for words- and slightly annoyed at her daughter being a bit too clever for her own good. She evidently decides to relent... just slightly.
Wendy: “I’ll talk to Terrence, and see what he thinks, alright? It’s still your move.”
Theresa looks down at the board, but only for a second, and then she looks back up.
Theresa: “Are you excited about it?”
Wendy smiles at her daughter.
Wendy: “Absolutely. I mean, I was in the main event at last year’s Sin & Sacrifice, but when you have that many people in the ring, it kind of lacks the same experience. But now I’m going from facing Jodie to facing Isabella in her retirement match at the biggest show of the year... that’s quite a jump. And knowing that we’ll be the final match... even AFTER the FFW Championship...”
She takes a deep breath, smiling at her daughter.
Wendy: “Being anyone’s retirement match is a huge honor in and of itself. But when it’s a hall of famer like Isabella... at such a huge show. It’s going to be a night that’s so memorable. Even though it’s three weeks away, I’m already starting to feel it.
Theresa: “But mom... if it’s such a huge honor, and you and Isabella don’t like each other... why is she letting you be her final match.”
Wendy looks away, her eyes distant for a couple minutes, before she turns back to her daughter.
Wendy: “Because this is something that’s needed to happen for a very, VERY long time.”
Theresa doesn’t look like she completely understands, but she nods slightly, then looks back down at the checkerboard. A grin suddenly washes over her face.
Theresa: “Jump! Jump! King me!”
Wendy looks almost stunned at the reversal of fortune she just encountered.
Wendy: “Wow... that’s... impressive, Theresa. Good job!”
Theresa grins, satisfied with herself, as Wendy begins to study the board for her own turn.
==============================
1:40 PM
PORT HURON, MICHIGAN
Pollaski: “Man, that was a good lunch.”
Back in the RV, we are, although Pollaski is patting his stomach, evidently rather full. Terrence is looking ahead, however.
Terrence: “Okay, guys. Borders in a mile. Everyone have their passports ready?”
Cut to a quick confessional cam by Wendy in the back seat.
Wendy: “Whenever we go to Canada, if we can help it, we always cross at Port Huron into Sarnia, instead of Detroit into Windsor. It’s less busy, and is a bit quicker overall.”
Terrence has his own add on.
Terrence: “Also because Detroit is a shitstain that nobody in their right mind would ever want to go to.”
Back to Terrence driving. An exterior shot shows them pulling up to the border crossing, stopping at customs.
Customs Officer: Hello there! Passports, please.
Terrence hands the CO four passports, and the man begins to look through them.
CO: So what brings you to Canada, today?
Terrence: My wife’s a wrestler, and she’s got a show in Toronto.
CO: Your wife... Gwendo... OH! Wendy Briese! Well, good luck to her, sir. Alright go ahea-
The officer begins handing the passports back, but suddenly one of the K-9 units goes berserk, barking up a storm at the RV. Terrence suddenly finds himself with the enitre border guard aiming guns at him.
Terrence: “Uh...”
Meanwhile, in the back...
Wendy: “Terry? What’s going on... is everything alright?”
Back up front, Terrence and Pollaski both have their hands in the air.
Terrence: “Yeah, hon. Everythings... fine.”
CO: “Alright sir, nice and slow, pull your RV over to the side there. DO IT NOW!”
Terrence: “Yeah. I’m gonna go REAL nice and slow when you’re screaming at me like that. Asshole.”
Cut to a confessional cam again, this time with Wendy standing outside. The RV is behind her in the background, and Canadian customs agents are pouring over it.
Wendy: “So... apparently if you completely stuff your RV full of fireworks, and then try to drive it across an international border two days later... the dogs can smell the gunpowder. A LOT of gunpowder. And that’s why they’re searching us.
Wendy glances to the side. Where no doubt her husband is standing. She is going to kill him.
Now a Pollaski confessional.
Pollaski: “Man, this ain’t nothing. One time my uncle got busted in Mexico trying to smuggle in thirty pounds of cocaine. And a small armory of assault weapons. And maybe a dozen underage prostitutes. I think they just shot him on the spot. Anyways, I knew it was gonna be a while, and it was kinda boring. So I figure, why not give these Canucks a bit of a show?
Cut to Pollaski standing on a table, a small kid’s microphone in his hands. He’s singing “Somewhere Out There” by Our Lady Peace to a bunch of Mounties and customs agents.
#You’re falling out of reach... defying gravity...
I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE... SOMEWHERE OUT THERE!#
There’s not a dry eye in the house. Pollaski back on confessional.
Pollaski: “I don’t care if you’re Canadian or al fucking Queada. If Our Lady Peace doesn’t move you to tears, you don’t have a soul. So yeah, everything was going pretty well, and they were about to let us go.
Pause, and Pollaski’s face darkens.
Pollaski: “Then Wendy had to go and fuck it all up.”
Now its Wendy who’s in front of the agents, singing.
#Every night in my dreams... I see you, I feel..#
Voice: “TERRORIST! STOP HER!”
Wendy: “Wha.. HEY!”
Before the redhead can react, she’s being wrestled to the ground her arms pinned behind her back. She’s obviously confused out of her mind.
Wendy: “What are you doing?! Let me go! I didn’t... AAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
That would be when one of the border guards smacks her with a taser. Cut to Pollaski, Terrence, and Theresa a short distance away. Even Pollaski looks completely stunned and horrified, although Theresa sees an opportunity.
Theresa: (completely matter-of-fact) “I think I’m handling this pretty well, dad. So I should totally be allowed to watch Unstoppable.
The incredulous glare from Terrence is priceless. A cut to a now quite disheveled Wendy on the confessional cam.
Wendy: “I don’t... get it. I was just singing Celine Dion, and she’s a national icon, so...”
CO: “SHUT UP, TERRORIST!”
A knightstick comes crashing down on Wendy’s head, knocking her back to the ground, as an angry customs agent stands over her, brandishing the knightstick. Wendy’s now practically on the verge of tears.
Wendy: “What is WRONG with you people!”
Cut to Pollaski, back in confessional.
Pollaski: Well, luckily they didn’t find anything worse than an unused sparkler, and we managed to convince them that Wendy didn’t REALLY like Celine Dion. So they let us on our way, eventually. And the adventure continues.
======================
4:18 PM
WYOMING, ONTARIO
The adventure may be continuing, but it’s certainly a cold, awkward one now. Terrence is driving, looking straight ahead, while Wendy behind him is holding an icepack to her head. Even Theresa’s gotten the hint that this would be a REALLY bad time to badger her mom about watching the PPV. Pollaski takes it upon himself to try and get some form of communication going, pointing to the radio, and the song that’s playing on it.
Pollaski: “You know, it seems to me that EVERY good road trip montage should have “Blurry” by PUddle of Mudd playing. It’s like the ultimate long drive song...”
He’s only greeted by three annoyed glances. Giving up, Pollaski turns back around, singing quietly to himself.
#Everythings so blurry and no one..la-de-da... da, la de da de da da and everything is so messed up...#
=====================
5:35 PM
WOODSTOCK, ONTARO
Confessional cam again, with Wendy sitting in the back of the RV, looking slightly more dignified than she did at the customs. Theresa’s next to her, fast asleep, leaning over so that her head is in her mom’s lap. Wendy gently strokes her daughter’s hair gently, smiling down at her.
Wendy: “She looks like an angel, doesn’t she? We’re so blessed that she has taken so well with travelling like this. Our daughter comes first in both of our lives, and as much as we love our jobs, we wouldn’t be doing them if we didn’t think she could handle it.”
She smiles softly, glancing down at her daughter.
Wendy: “You know, I was thinking about what I said yesterday. About how had it been any of my Unity opponents in the ring with me when I hurt my back, that I doubt I’d still have a career. And that... that’s chilling isn’t it? Especially when you look at the track record of those three women, what they’ve done, who they hurt. And ultimately, that’s what makes all the difference in the world.
She grimaces slightly.
Wendy: “Isabella’s sent how many women to the hospital over the past couple of years? Starla might even be worse. Isabella at least has a ‘win-first’ mentality. But Starla, I almost think sometimes the victory only becomes second on her priority list, and causing as much misery as possible being number one. And Tara... we saw what she did to Caroline.”
A deep breath.
Wendy: “I’ve been thinking about what Isabella said a couple weeks ago, about how submissionists are more dangerous than ‘hardcore’ wrestlers. It makes you wonder what her partners at Unity... who are both competent submissionists- thought about it. Especially since all her gripes fit those two to the hilt.”
A small shrug.
Wendy: “The scary thing is, she’s right. I mean, hardcore wrestling is dangerous, but you look at what a brutal, merciless submission can do if left on too long... you can do a lot of damage to someone on a whim, if you’re cruel enough. You can tear muscle, snap bones, dislocate joints, asphyxiation, ischemia... you can do a lot of horrible things to someone in a submission hold. I know that.”
She shakes her head.
Wendy: “But... and this makes all the difference in the world- you don’t HAVE to. Any wrestler in any match has the opportunity to tap out if either the pain or the threat becomes to great, and once that bell rings, it’s over. You release, that’s it, match over, you win, everybody goes home intact. Going further and beyond that... keeping the hold applied after the bell... that’s not wrestling. That’s assault. And it’s disgusting.”
Wendy bites her lip, shaking her head.
Wendy: “I’ll put it plain, here. If I make Isabella tap out at Unstoppable, it will be the first time I’ve ended anyone’s career with a submission hold. I apply, they tap, I release. That’s all I’ve ever done, and that’s all I’ll ever do. And I REFUSE to sit here, listening to a woman like Isabella, who’s ruined countless careers just because the whimsy calls to her, acting like I’m some sort of health hazard in this industry, when I’ve never ever so much as even threatened someone’s career.
Wendy certainly looks angry about that.
Wendy: “It all comes down to respect, I guess. You respect your opponents, you acknowledge that they’re human beings, you can go to bed witih a clear conscience. But when they stop being humans to you, and become more like a cheap doll that you can play with, abuse, and discard on a whim... that’s when the danger occurs.”
Another small shrug.
Wendy: “And that’s why the Power Trip is so dangerous. Because almost to a woman, they all have this mindset of an undisciplined child. One who sets ant hills on fire and tortures neighborhood cats, strictly on a whim. The one who gets on the playground, and looks for loopholes in the rules of games, or just strictly changes them, because they can, and to hell with the enjoyment of their playmates. And then think themselves clever for it, despite the fact that it’d been done countless times before, all by other smug brats who think themselves more clever than they really are as well.”
A small meaningful glance at Theresa. Think Wendy may be speaking from her daughter’s personal experiences here?
Wendy: “Believe it or not, wrestling’s a big-girl sport, and the FFW is presumably a place for adults. There’s no room for children here, for that ‘me first, I do what I want and to hell with everyone else.’ mentality that we were all supposed to outgrow by the fifth grade. But we still see it, far too often. And when you put that in a fully grown, musclar woman who’s been triained in a full contact combat sport... it’s not a good combination for anyone.”
Wendy shakes her head sadly.
Wendy: “But ultimately, all children are cowed in the face of grown-ups. Think about Lord of the Flies, and how degenerate they became in the face of isolation. And then the moment the naval officer shows up, they’re all weeping with shame and embarrassment over what they had become. The change isn’t as radical here, but its happening. The Power Trip is getting their way less and less. They’re becoming more and more impotent, and as a result, their attempts to justify themselves are becoming more and more feeble. And while I’d love to pretend that Unity will be the final stroke that leads to their dissolution, I know better.”
A small,final smile.
Wendy: “But it’s going to be another step in that direction.”
=======================
6:25 PM
AURORA, ONTARIO
A shot of the RV parking in its new campground space, with Wendy’s voiceover.
Wendy: “Well, we made it! It was a bit of a more... eventful trip than we were used to. But still, you have to take the adventures as they come when they’re on the road. And well, we hope you got the idea of what it’s like to travel as a WhirlyBird.
A shot to Pollaski and Terrence again getting the RV set up, and prepared for another night of camping.
Wendy: “So, make sure you watch Unity on Monday night! Lot’s of great tag team action coming up, and a star studded main event you absolutely do NOT want to miss!”
A slight pause.
Wendy: “I’m just glad we made it in one piece. But you know what they say...”
Terrence’s voice over pops in, interrupting.
Terrence: “Hey, hon? Could you keep it down? The race is about to start.”
A deep sigh from Wendy.
Wendy: “Exactly.”
And roll credits. Along with a promo for the next episode of on the road- Keeping up with the Clippers, Columbus, Ohio’s AAA baseball team. And of course for the upcoming IX for IX documentary Pat XO. And a bunch of other promos. Because ESPN self-whores like that.
And cut feed.
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