The following blog was posted at whirlybirdz.com. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the opinions of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, CPW or anyone but the author. So please don’t sue them.
Hey kids.
So, I just listened to the first CPW Podcast.
Yeah, I know, I’m a bit tardy to the party, so to speak, considering the things been up for a couple of weeks now. But for some reason, the link that was posted on the CPW site didn’t work for my computer. Eh, not anyones fault. My computer just sucks.
So yesterday, I had whipped out my Droid, and was surfing Amazon looking for some new tunes to DL (all this dealing with Michelle Taylor and Camilla Pazzini got me in the mood to listen to Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls”), and lo-and-behold, but I stumble across the damn podcast available for 99 cents!
After listening to it, I want my fucking money back!
Ah, just kidding. Actually, it wasn’t too bad for a first effort. Probably a bit long, definitely needs to go at a faster pace. But there were several awesome parts. Namely, the parts about me.
I gotta admit (and I mean this in a COMPLETELY non-homo way), there’s really nothing like having audio-fellatio performed on you by two guys you’ve never met before on a 99 cent per download podcast off of AmazonMP3. I mean, all that comparison to demolition equipment. I’ve been tagging myself as the Polish Powerhouse (y’know, cause alliteration ROX!), but the Human Wrecking Ball? I could get used to it.
No way in FUCK am I gonna call myself Bulldozer... not after finding this gem on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srJdpI6iUs0
Holy shit, that’s John Ojeda from PWX, isn’t it?
And for the record, I could totally crush an apple with my bare hands too. Or at least my teeth.
But those guys on the podcast sure seem to have bought into me. It’s like I’m the freakin’ chosen one or something. Y’know, the one the prophecy said would bring balance to the Pandas.
That’s right kids, I’m the muthafuggin Anakin Skywalker of Catholic Panda Wrestling. Except I’m already on the darkside- though I’d have done it right. After Palpatine took care of Windu, I’d have tossed his ass out the window too, and been all like “Galaxy’s mine now, BITCH!”
Ah, but I’m getting off track again. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to find out that I was a Ritalin kid. I mean, I have the attention span of a gnat. Lord knows how I manage to sit my ass down long enough to type these columns.
I doubt my opponent this week, Aoraki, has that problem, he seems like a focused, driven type. I bet he has OCD- y’know, kinda like the pro-wrestling version of Monica Gellar from Friends (although not NEARLY as hot). Hell, I bet he has a to-do list as well.
1. Sell House
2. Lift weights
3. Shut Pollaski up
4. Lift weights
5. Get banned from another sport for being too violent.
6. Lift weights
I think you get my drift.
If Aoraki has a flaw, its that the dude has no perspective about anything. We ALL get it, really. He’s a big, evil killing machine, and he’s going to break every bone in my pudgy little body and shut me up and bleed me dry and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Seriously, cool story, bro.
But Aoraki can’t look beyond his own little rage to see the bigger picture. Because I crack off a few jokes I’m cocky, and chauvinistic, and think I’m invincible? Far from it. I probably have a better understanding of my strengths and limitations than he does. I just figure that if I’m gonna ask a bunch of people to pay money to watch me wrestle, or at least sit through some commercials, I might as well be interesting about it.
It’s no doubt I’m in for a tough fight come the airing of Zoo on Sunday. Hell, I might even lose. But be destroyed? Be silenced? Hardly,
After all, it’s damned hard to stop a Wrecking Ball.
Polla out!
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