We open up and we find ourselves in the daylight of a recreational park in Minneapolis,MN. Despite the cold, several children can be seen in the distance, bundled up in their coats as they swing on monkey bars and fly down slides.
Directly in front of us, we see Wolf Ramsey, dressed in a long trenchcoat and leather gloves, presumably hiding another expensive suit, beside him stands Daniel Pollaski, who is bundled up as well. Both men are staring directly at the camera as Wolf begins speaking.
Wolf: Hello, SVW Nation. Dan and I are here at the park today. Why? Because well, things in SVW have been sort of doom and gloom ever since one Anthony Gambini was sold his shares of the company, and we have come here to enjoy the day, since soon enough, Team Uprising is going to lead SVW back into the daylight at Criminal Intent. Now, perhaps it won’t be as nice as children playing on the playground with all laughter and smiles, but once Mr. Gambini is finally banished from our fine promotion, things will certainly be brighter. Wouldn’t you agree, Dan?
Wolf turns to his fellow manager, who picks up the threads.
Pollaski: Absolutely, dude. I mean, the day he took over SVW is the day SVW began a decline. An easily reversible decline, but a decline nonetheless. And when Me, Belle, Cara, and Anders...
Pollaski gestures behind him, only to stop, realizing he’s doing nothing but pointing at air. He blinks.
Pollaski: Uh... Wolf?
Wolf: Yes, Dan? You were talking about Gambini’s failures...
Pollaski: Yeah, but it seems we have a failure of our own on our hands. A failure to appear by a couple teammates...
Wolf turned around, shaking his head.
Wolf: What are you...Oh...Oh dear. That’s not good.
Wolf looks around, realizing that Anders and Cara are absent. He squints his eyes in suspicion and looks at Pollaski hard.
Wolf: ...What did you do with Cara and Anders? This has your shenanigans written all over it.
Pollaski gives the “Moi?!” pose, looking defensive.
Pollaski: Oh, cause Anders and Cara have never done ANYTHING completely out of line before! If I had anything to do with this, I’d be with THEM, and not here freeing my arse off with YOU.
Wolf: Cara and Anders have been much better recently. You must’ve been a bad influence. Actually, you know what? Nevermind. Forget it. Let’s just go find them.
Pollaski: Fine. But... where do we look? I mean... it’s not like the Twin Cities are BIG or anything...
Wolf: They were here five minutes ago. They could not possibly have gone that far. We’re not even near the street so they had to have walked somewhere nearby.
Wolf turned and pointed to the camera.
Wolf: You...come with us. We’ll get this sorted, and we’ll edit later if we have to.
Wolf turned around and started walking past the playground, the camera following behind him. Pollaski seemed to realize they were actually leaving a couple seconds late and had to hustle a bit to catch up, yelling at Wolf as he did so.
Pollaski: DUDE! Do the words “Let’s go” mean anything to you?
Wolf ignored Pollaski as they continued down the path. The managers both scouring the nearby areas for any sign of Anders and Cara, but we can see nothing except a few kids running around under their parents’ supervision. Wolf stops suddenly, looking somewhat frustrated and makes a sharp left turn. As he does so, the camera actually reveals a “bouncy” or “moonwalk” blow-up castle in the distance, apparently with a lot of activity going on inside it. Wolf keeps walking towards it and as we edge towards it..we hear a familiar voice in the distance.
Woman’s Voice: BIZZATCH, PLEASE! YOU CAN’T HANDLE THIS!
Man’s Voice: IT’S ON!
Wolf stops suddenly, right before he passes the castle. He seems to recognize the voices. He turns to Dan slowly.
Wolf: You don’t think...
Pollaski: I hope not. I kinda was hoping they’d gone into a restaurant or something.
Wolf: What restaurant? This is a park.
Pollaski: There’s a Sbarro across the street over there. Speaking of which, since my partners are busy...
Wolf grabs Pollaski by the shirt as the big man tries to walk away, surprisingly strong enough to actually halt the big man in his tracks.
Wolf: No. You will stay here until we finish this.
Suddenly, another shout rings out from the direction of the bouncy castle.
Woman: HEY CARE-BEARS! WASN”T THAT CLOTHESLINE AWESOMESAUCE?!
An eruption of cheers from high-pitched five to eight year old voices shouts up in response and Wolf looks over to realize a crowd of children has started to gather round the entrance of the castle and are cheering wildly as well.
Wolf: You have to be kidding me...
Pollaski: No kidding. Cara’s clothelines have like zero power in them. Her dropkicks though... yeech.
Wolf ignored Dan again and made a bee-line to the castle. As he makes it to the entrance, we can see inside and well... yeah. ANders has Cara in a headlock and the kids are all cheering like crazy at this point.
Kids: LET’S GO CARA!
Other Kids: LET’S GO ANDY!
Anders: Don’t call me Andy! God, what the hell Have you all talked to Rex or something!?
Anders keeps he headlock on his tag partner but then suddenly picks his right hand up and ...delivers a noogie to Cara?!
Cara: AHHHHH!!! IT HURTS!!! MAKE IT STOP!
Wolf opens his mouth to speak...but he has nothing to say...he simply facepalms.
Pollaski: One-side, Wolfman. If it’s a match they want, it’s a match they’ll get.
Pollaski slides into the castle, walking up to Cara, and dramatically screaming at her.
Pollaski: DO YOU GIVE UP, CARA? DO YOU GIVE UP? COME ON CARA? DO YOU SUBMIT?
Cara: NEVERR!!!!!!!
Cara suddenly elbows Anders in the gut and the hold gets released. Cara then grabs Anders by the head and delivers a stone cold stunner, but the elevation from the inflated arena has Anders boucne about five feet in the air before coming back down. Cara watches him carefully and just as he lands...she double bounces herself WAY in the air before landing on top of him in a splash!
Cara: HA! TAKE THAT, BIZZATCH!
Anders: Ow....
Pollaski dives down, and starts counting..
Pollaski: ONE! TWO! THR..
Anders kicks out with authority! and Cara flies back. Anders gets back to his feet bouncing slightly as he tries to circle around his tag team partner.
Anders: NOT YET!
Cara squints her eyes at her tag partner and charges at him, screaming so loud that Wolf, Dan, the kids, all people in a ten mile radius cover their ears.
Cara: AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cara goes for a flying kick, and while Anders SHOULD be able to dodge it, he is unable, due the distraction by the deafening screech. And therefore Cara promptly kicks him in the chest, sending him flying back against the wall of the castle. Cara herself falls down on her back but bounces back up and manages to land on her feet, smiling wide.
Wolf finally gets fed up enough to yell.
Wolf: DAMN IT DAN! WE HAVE A PROMO TO SHOOT! Will you stop this?!
Pollaski glares at Wolf, then rolls his eyes.
Pollaski: Fine...
Pollaski shoves Cara from behind, and she goes staggering with a squawk into Anders, the two colliding, and tumbling over and over, before landing in the middle of the castle, Cara on top of Anders. Pollaski quickly, and deftly sits down on Cara’s back.
Pollaski: Onetwothreecarawins.
Pollaski slides off his partners, and gets to his feet, leaving Stark & Stone lying in the castle, as he slides back out.
Pollaski: Gambini said they were gonna face each other after Criminal Intent. After what I just saw... I’m not so sure...
Wolf: They’ll be fine.
Wolf suddenly began to take off his shoes and shockingly slid into the castle himself. He walked up, grabbed Cara and Anders each by the ear as they were getting back to their feet, and dragged them both out of the castle.
Cara/Anders: OW! AH! Ooo! AH! OOWWW! STOP THAT!
Wolf finally lets go of them once the tag team is finally back on solid ground.
Wolf: What were you thinking?
Cara: Wolf...it’s a bouncy castle. What did you expect? For us NOT to have an impromptu wrestling match inside it? Are you insane?
Anders: You have seriously unfair expectations man, and now my ear hurts too.
Pollaski: Shoulda gone to the Sbarro, dudes. He wouldn’t have dragged you out of there...
Wolf: Don’t make assumptions.
Wolf shakes his head and sighs ans Anders and Cara get their shoes back on nearby.
Wolf: I am disappointed in you two. The most important match in your careers. Hell, in the history of SVW happens, and when promo time comes not only to you wander off like a couple of pre-adolescent children, but you do so in order that you can play in a damn inflatable castle and make complete fools of yourselves.
Cara rolls her eyes.
Cara: We’re sorry, Wolf.
Anders cuts her off.
Anders: No we’re not.
Cara: We aren’t?
Anders: No, we aren’t.
Wolf: Oh, really? Would you care to explain, Mr. Stark? Because I would like to hear this. Wouldn’t you, Dan?
Pollaski: Well, I’d say that with all the tension riding on this match, staying loose is a very very important thing. Bouncy castle training sessions are a great way to not only prepare for the big match, but to have fun doing it!
Wolf:...Are you seriously defending them? Seriously? C’mon, Dan.
Pollaski’s eyes narrow, and he looks at Wolf.
Pollaski: ..I’m starting to see why Colleen clocked you...
Cara:...OOOhhhh... FIGHT!
Anders: What? No! No. Damn it, pay attention. Let me explain this. Don’t you realize how you’re acting right now, Wolf?
Wolf turns away from Dan, the scowl that had been forming disappearing suddenly.
Wolf: What do you mean?
Anders: You’re flipping out because Cara and I aren’t fitting what YOU expect us to do right now. You think because we’re having a little fun and don’t want to cut some boring promo saying things that everyone already knows about Douchebag, Angel, and Revolution X, that you need to yell at us, get us back in line, control us...and on a much smaller scale, that makes you EXACTLY like Gambini.
Wolf: What did you just say?
Cara: Oh. Shit. Son.
Cara and Pollaski exchange worried glances.
Pollaski: Dude...
Anders: What do you think started all this? Gambini harassed and made Nathan’s life a living HELL just because he wasn’t quite the type of wrestler that Gambini wanted him to be. He was different. And even though that had no bearing on his actual ability, Gambini was so desperate to get the belt off him that he actually gift-wrapped the belt to Johnny freaking Moxie of all people. Again, all because it didn’t fit Gambini’s vision of what he wanted SVW to be.
Wolf squints hard at Anders, letting the tension hand for a few moments.
Wolf: And what would that be?
Anders: A place full of boring, egomanaical assholes, who never shut up, always screw up wrestling matches, complain when they don’t get their way, screw over good honest people at every turn and kiss Gambini’s ridiculous ass. That’s what he wants. And now, you want us to cut some boring theme promo on a bunch of jerks who EVERYBODY ALREADY KNOWS we’re better than, even though it has no actual bearing on our in-ring ability.
Cara: ...YEAH! I mean, what difference does it make if we just say the same stuff about them people already know! It’s not going to change anything. We can still beat them.
Wolf turns to Stark and Stone’s partner for the PPV match.
Wolf: ...What do you think, Dan?
Pollaski shrugged.
Pollaski: I think you agreed to represent Stark & Stone as they are, not what you want them to be. And it’s not like I tell Wendy what to say and what to do. She’d probably lock me in the closet if I did...
Cara: YOU’RE IN THE CLOSET, DAN?
Anders: Wasn’t expecting that. Bold to come out like that on camera though.
Pollaski: Wait... what? NO! Jesus... I meant the actual goddamned physical closet used to hang coats in!
Cara: Oh...I thought that was gonna explain the Nikkii thing. Oh well.
Pollaski: THERE IS NO NIKKI THING!
Anders: Ok, you know what? FOCUS. Look, Wolf. Do you believe we can beat Team Aggression?
Wolf looks taken aback, even perhaps a little hurt.
Wolf: ...Of course, I believe you can.
Cara cuts in now, seeing where her best friend is going with this.
Cara: So, why does it matter if we go on camera one more time and bitch out the talentless hacks who have to get in bed with owners so they can win matches? We’re going to fight them. We’re going to beat them. And that’s all there is to it.
Pollaski nods.
Pollaski: Spence coulda picked anyone out there... he picked us. If our fuggin boss is gonna show that much faith in us, I think our friends and managers might be wise to do the same thing here. After all, Spencer Mackenzie’s not a dipshit. He knows who he picked, and he knows what we do.
Wolf looked around...and smiled.
Wolf: I...see. Apologies, all of you. Perhaps I was being a bit too controlling.
Cara: It’s okay, Wolfman, just be out there when we do our thing and end all this ridiculousness, and we promise to you, to all the SVW wrestlers...to all the fans...we’re going to make things right, damn it.
Anders: It’s going to be ass whoopin time on Sunday. Seriously.
Pollaski grins, and stretches, cricking his neck.
Pollaski: You damn right. The moment Gambini chose his team, he sealed his fate. Revolution X not only carries one of the most generic, overused names ever in wrestling, but they haven’t been able to win shit on their own. And considering the shit the Abusement Park pulled on Anders and especially Cara here.. you think that’s gonna stand? H-to-the-ell no!
Cara: Damn straight! Woo!
Wolf turns around, grinning at the camera.
Wolf: It seems that I have may some errors in judgment, but I think it’s clear now Team Uprising is more than ready for what they’re up against at the Pay-Per-View. The three wrestlers beside me, along with the talented Belle Wolf, will be more than happy to send Gambini packing at Criminal Intent. So say what you always say. Do what you always do. Lie. Make excuses and false accusations. That is what you are best at. But none of you are going to be able to claim victory once all of this is over. Know that and know it well.
We fade to black on the scene of Wolf, Stark and Stone and Pollaski all standing side by side, a unified force ready to go into battle.
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