Sunday, October 10, 2010

EPISODE 50: Homecoming

Thursday October 7, 2010

Terrence’s Charger

Streets of Indianapolis, Indiana

1:31 PM Local Time


“Almost home!” Terrence Thompson announced to his wife as he pulled into the Pike Creek subdivision.


Stretching lazily from the passenger’s seat, Wendy Briese looked out the window, stifling a yawn as the familiar surroundings of the neighborhood flashed by the car. “I had a great time this week, Terry.”


“As did I,” Terrence replied, stifling a yawn himself as his blood-red 1971 Dodge Charger rolled down the quiet residential avenue. “It was just like being on our honeymoon in Hawai’i again.”


“Only the volcano wasn’t erupting” Wendy replied with a grin, and Terrence chuckled. “It was nice to get away from it all for a week though, and celebrate our anniversary. We’ve been so busy, and we’re going to be again.”


Terrence nodded as he turned the car onto Wabash Circle. With Wendy’s grandmother’s arrival now just a week away, Wendy’s father’s parole hearing, not to mention the inevitable defenses of the two titles he held, they were going to be booked solid all the way until damned near Thanksgiving. At least they were now ready to tackle the future with a fully charged battery.


“Well, the house is still standing,” Wendy remarked as the Charger pulled into the Nest’s Driveway. Terrence threw the car into park and shut off the engine.


For several seconds, neither Bird moved, just sitting in the car, staring at the garage door. Finally, Terrence looked over at his wife. “Back to reality,” he said with a rueful smile.


Wendy nodded, and unbuckled her seat belt, climbing out of the car while Terrence did likewise. Stretching their muscles from having been cramped in the car for the past four hours, the duo slowly walked towards the front door of the house.


“We can unload the car later,” Terrence reasoned, and Wendy didn’t argue.


Stepping onto the porch, Terrence grabbed the handle, and the front door swung inward. “We’re ho-”


*WHAM!*


Terrence’s announcement was cut short by a gray blur running out of the living room, and ramming headfirst into the wall. Wendy bleated in shock, and both Birdz stared dumbfounded as Chaunticleer, Wendy’s cat, shook its head, dazed. Regaining some of its wits, Chant sprung away, sprinting back into the living room.


The Birdz exchanged bewildered glances. Terrence looked more confused, while there was a definite tinge of alarm about Wendy’s eyes. “What did he do to my cat?” she whispered.


Terrence shrugged, and shut the door behind his wife. Together, the two walked towards the living room, where they could hear their daughter laughing. They rounded the corner, and saw Pollaski and Theresa sitting on the couch. Pollaski had a laser pointer in his hand, which he was moving quickly around the room, while Chaunticleer chased the red dot with reckless abandon. Obviously, it had been this chase that had sent the cat careening into the wall merely seconds ago.


Theresa’s laughter turned into a scream of excitement as she saw her parents, and the four year old sprung from the couch, crying “Mommy! Daddy!” all the way across the room, nearly tripping over Chant as she did so. Upon reaching her father, Terrence lifted her up, and bounced her gently in his arms while Theresa wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly. “I missed you!’


“We missed you too, Theresa,” Terrence said, as his daughter released her hug. Terrence passed her off to Wendy, who hugged her close and kissed her on the cheek, while her daughter returned the embrace. “Did you have fun with Pollaski?”


“Yep!” was all the little girl replied, and smiling, Wendy set her down. She turned a reproachful gaze upon her manager.


“Did you just spend the entire week torturing my cat?”


“Of course not,” Pollaski replied dismissively, setting the laser pointer down on a nearby end table. “We played some games, did a few puzzles. Went down to the park a couple of times. It was a fun week. How was yours?”


“Amazing,” Wendy said, her stern expression softening. “We had a wonderful time out in the hills. With the leaves changing, its such a beautiful time down there.”


As she talked, Wendy walked over to the sofa, smoothing out her long black skirt before sitting down, while Theresa bounded up next to her. Terrence plopped into the recliner. “So, how was Adrenaline?”


“Eh, ended up not going. Figured it’d be just as good from home without you guys there, and save the three hour drive. Decent show.”


“Anything new?” Wendy asked as she tousled her daughter’s hair.


“Lot’s, actually. You’re facing the Belmonts in two weeks for the tag belts, although Val’s hurt.”


“Really?” Wendy asked, both suddenly surprised and concerned.


“Yeah, some idiot over in Phoneix Revolution cracked her over the head with some brass knuckles. She’ll probably be fine by your match, although she did lose to that new guy- Dominick Bent. Oh, and you’re facing Ojeda at Never Say Die.”


“Bah, figures,” Terrence said, rolling his eyes. “Idiot’s due for a shot, and I figure after whacking me over the head with a microphone, JPO figured it’d be the perfect setup.”


“Sounds like it,” Pollaski continued, with the air of a newscaster reading the evening report, hopping from one news story to the next. “So, for THIS week, Wendy’s got Jenna Himmler, and that’s going to determine which side gets to choose the match type for the showdown.”


Wendy nodded silently, although there was a mixture of excitement and apprehension in her eyes. “Jenna’s been training hard, I’m told.” she said, “It’ll be interesting to see how she’s improved.”


Terrence nodded, then shrugged. “Anything for me?”


“Yeah,” Pollaski replied. “You got Victor Jace, non-title. While you were gone, Vicky started dropping subtle hints about how he’s earned the right to face you. Y’know, now that he holds the number three belt in the promotion, or something.”


“Oh? I didn’t think subtletly was Jace’s strong point.” Terrence chuckled.


“Well, it wasn’t really subtle. It was more along the lines of ‘Please let me face Thompson! Please pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!’” Pollaski mimicked, clasping his hands in front of him in a plaintive gesture. “Anyways, JPO was impressed with his first round match against Antonio Lopez, so he gave you to him.”


“Fine by me,” Terrence said. “Anything has to be better than James Silkk, right?”


Both Pollaski and Terrence shuddered, remembering Terrence’s match from two weeks ago, when Terrence had trouble putting a patsy like Silkk away, in what was clearly his worst performance in several months. He couldn’t afford to have a bad one like that again.


Finally, Terrence stood up, out of his recliner. “Okay, time to unload the car,” he announced, as Pollaski and Wendy both grudgingly got to their feet as well. Stretching muscles that had gotten stiff from sitting around and talking so long, the three trudged outside the front door.


Back to reality.

===============================


Saturday October 9, 2010

The Nest- Living Room

Indianapolis, Indiana

5:10 PM Local Time


[It just absolutely sucks coming back from vacation, doesn’t it?]


[Sure, you’re glad to be home, but dear God, the unpacking, the laundry. The realization that somehow a cheeseburger you bought on the drive out got wedged under the passenger seat, and is now green and fluffy. Kinda like a zombie bunny, but worse-smelling.]


[Nonetheless, its been a couple days since the Birdz returned to the Nest, and they’re once again settled in. Good thing too, with the extremely difficult schedule they have coming up, not to mention the arrival of Wendy’s grandmother in less than a week. Needless to say, between training and cleaning, the Birdz have definitely been busy little bees since they got home.]


[Luckily, training’s been going well, primarily to the fact that Terrence and Wendy managed to get a few good... *cough* ‘sparring matches’ in during their vacation. As far as cleaning goes... well, that’s a story for another day.]


[So now we cut to the living room of the Nest, where Terrence Thompson is sitting on the couch, unwinding from a long days work and ready to cut his first promo in nearly two weeks. The Mechanical Mayhem looks fairly at ease, wearing a dark blue Indiana Pacers t-shirt, and a pair of jeans. He’s leaned back on the couch, one arm at his side, the other slung on top of the armrest. That soft smirk he always wears is present, although his demeanor almost suggests a mixture of amusement and irritation.]


“Where, oh where, do I begin?”


[Terrence chuckles helplessly, then shrugs. He holds up his right hand, the index finger extended]


“One week. One week I’m gone on a vacation, and I come back to find half the company wants my head on a platter. Both Ojeda and Jeremiah Belmont have announced their intentions to challenge for my Grand Prix Championship. The Belmont’s have been granted their long-awaited chance to reclaim the tag titles, and Pride & Honor and Global Revolution are gearing up to see who gets the next shot after that. And that’s just the people I know about.”


[A brief pause, before Terrence shrugs again]


“I almost feel like sticking one of those ‘take-a-number’ dispensers on our locker room door, just so I can kick everybody’s ass in a fair, orderly, fashion.”


[Cheesy grin]


“Regardless, it looks like I’m in for a hell of a month. Ojeda will challenge at Never Say Die, in a match that will ultimately be of my choosing. The Belmonts challenge next week, so we can put an end to seven months of their whining. Beyond that, how many people are lining up, hoping for a shot at Terrence Thompson, Wendy Briese, and their titles?”


[Terrence snorts, and smiles]


“But does anyone honestly believe that I’m going to cower behind my castle walls as the forces of my enemies amass outside my gates? Screw that! I’ll go forth each and every time, and repel them from my castle, and my treasures.”


[Terrence grins as he thrusts his arm forward, as if he’s driving an invisible sword through the belly of an imaginary opponent]


“Already the vangard has set forth against me, I heard that during my absence, Victor Jace demanded to face me in a match, and after his performance against Lopez in the quarterfinals of the Future Legends Cup, he was granted his wish.”


[Terrence holds his arms out at his sides, palms facing up, and cocks his head to the side. Its an inquisitive gesture, but one that certainly carries a challenge to it.]


“Well, Jace, you asked for the Twister, and you got him. Now what?”


[Terrence lets the question linger in the air for just a second, berfore returning to his normal relaxed pose.]


“You weren’t exactly a humble man to begin with, but ever since that Civil War, your head has inflated to the point where its almost a surprise that you don’t just float away. And going on the shit you keep starting backstage, I’m sure there’s quite a few people in this company who actually wouldn’t mind that happening.”


[Small shrug. Terrence isn’t exactly one of em, but he can definitely see where a few people would be less than pleased with the Jace man.]


“Me? I’d just be content to know what the hell you’re smoking. Just in case I’m ever overcome by the desire to turn myself into a delusional douchebag.”


[Small smile]


“See, Victor, there’s a LOT you need to learn about this business. You’ve been in a few good matches, and you even won a couple of them. You’ve gotten the Evolution Championship around your waist. Hell, my manager’s even gone so far as to rank you fourth in his power rankings, behind me, Jeremiah, and the recently departed Willett.”


[Terrence gives a quick nod of respect, although he doesn’t seem overly reverent about it]


“But you gotta put your success in perspective. You have every right to be proud of your Evolution Championship, but when you go around proclaiming your belt more prestigious than the Grand Prix title on the basis of... of what, actually? That there hasn’t been a repeat champion yet? Well, that makes you look like an idiot.”


[Terrence can do aught but chuckle helplessly, and shake his head in amazement.]


“You want to know why there hasn’t been a repeat Evolution Champion, Victor? Because its a stepping-stone title. That belt around your waist is designed for the up and comers, to give them a chance to show what they can do when the spotlight is on them. Hence the name- the people who earn that belt will one day further the Evolution of PWX.”


[Terrence reaches over, off screen, and picks something up off the couch, and holds it up for the camera. Predictably, it is the Grand Prix Championship, which Terrence displays proudly to the camera, before putting it in his lap.]


“Inside this company Jace, there is nothing higher than the prize I hold in my hand right now. You lose this belt, there’s no moving on to the next level. You want it back. Why do you think that both of the men who held this belt before me worked so damn hard to get it back? Why do you think Jeremiah Belmont gnashes his teeth every time he sees me walking around with- as he says- ‘his’ title?”


[Terrence pats the faceplate of the belt lovingly]


“Its because this is the goal of everyone in this company. But you really know that right? That’s why you wanted to face me so badly- because you’re not satisfied with what you have. You’re hungry, and you want more. That’s good.”


[Another nod of respect.]


“But for God’s sakes man, just be honest about it. All this bullshit, about how you’re guarding me from the rest of PWX, or how you have JPO in the palm of your hand. Or all the other nonsensical crap you uttered over the past couple of weeks- it makes nobody take you seriously.”


[Terrence rolls his eyes, as if he already can hear Jace’s obvious rebuttal]


“Yeah, I know. If I don’t take you seriously, I’ll overlook you and you’ll beat me. Not gonna happen. I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about the fans, and the other wrestlers, and even JPO. Because if the man in charge doesn’t take you seriously?”


[Terrence holds up the belt again]


“You sure as hell don’t get anywhere near this.”


[Terrence sets the belt back on his knees, grimacing slightly. He’s been sitting there a while, and twenty pounds of gold sitting on his legs are starting to make them fall asleep. That’s not a good feeling]


“And nobody believes you’re somehow JPO’s puppet master. If you were, you wouldn’t have thrown a two-week long bitch fit about having to wrestle the week after the Civil War, title match or no.”


[Terrence scratches his light brown hair and shrugs.]


“All that aside, you’re getting one hell of an opportunity here, Jace. My title may not be on the line, but you’re three seconds away from getting your name written on that very short list of credible challengers. Hell, who needs the Evolution title, or the Future Legends Cup, when you can just beat me one on one?”


[Terrence arches an eyebrow, and gives another half-smile]


“Still, its a good thing that you have those fallback plans in place. Because those three seconds are never going to come. All that you’re going to get out of Tuesday’s match is a very valuable lesson.”


[Terrence sits up a little straighter, leaning forward, his eyes staring into the camera.]


“You’re going to learn that there is a very big difference between what you have...


[Terrence holds up the Grand Prix Championship one last time, and unleashes that ever-trademark smirk.]


“... and what I have.”


[Fade]

Saturday, October 9, 2010

ISSUE #9: The Human Wrecking Ball

The following blog was posted at whirlybirdz.com. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the opinions of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, CPW or anyone but the author. So please don’t sue them.

Hey kids.

So, I just listened to the first CPW Podcast.

Yeah, I know, I’m a bit tardy to the party, so to speak, considering the things been up for a couple of weeks now. But for some reason, the link that was posted on the CPW site didn’t work for my computer. Eh, not anyones fault. My computer just sucks.

So yesterday, I had whipped out my Droid, and was surfing Amazon looking for some new tunes to DL (all this dealing with Michelle Taylor and Camilla Pazzini got me in the mood to listen to Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls”), and lo-and-behold, but I stumble across the damn podcast available for 99 cents!

After listening to it, I want my fucking money back!

Ah, just kidding. Actually, it wasn’t too bad for a first effort. Probably a bit long, definitely needs to go at a faster pace. But there were several awesome parts. Namely, the parts about me.

I gotta admit (and I mean this in a COMPLETELY non-homo way), there’s really nothing like having audio-fellatio performed on you by two guys you’ve never met before on a 99 cent per download podcast off of AmazonMP3. I mean, all that comparison to demolition equipment. I’ve been tagging myself as the Polish Powerhouse (y’know, cause alliteration ROX!), but the Human Wrecking Ball? I could get used to it.

No way in FUCK am I gonna call myself Bulldozer... not after finding this gem on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srJdpI6iUs0

Holy shit, that’s John Ojeda from PWX, isn’t it?

And for the record, I could totally crush an apple with my bare hands too. Or at least my teeth.

But those guys on the podcast sure seem to have bought into me. It’s like I’m the freakin’ chosen one or something. Y’know, the one the prophecy said would bring balance to the Pandas.

That’s right kids, I’m the muthafuggin Anakin Skywalker of Catholic Panda Wrestling. Except I’m already on the darkside- though I’d have done it right. After Palpatine took care of Windu, I’d have tossed his ass out the window too, and been all like “Galaxy’s mine now, BITCH!”

Ah, but I’m getting off track again. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to find out that I was a Ritalin kid. I mean, I have the attention span of a gnat. Lord knows how I manage to sit my ass down long enough to type these columns.

I doubt my opponent this week, Aoraki, has that problem, he seems like a focused, driven type. I bet he has OCD- y’know, kinda like the pro-wrestling version of Monica Gellar from Friends (although not NEARLY as hot). Hell, I bet he has a to-do list as well.

1. Sell House
2. Lift weights
3. Shut Pollaski up
4. Lift weights
5. Get banned from another sport for being too violent.
6. Lift weights

I think you get my drift.

If Aoraki has a flaw, its that the dude has no perspective about anything. We ALL get it, really. He’s a big, evil killing machine, and he’s going to break every bone in my pudgy little body and shut me up and bleed me dry and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Seriously, cool story, bro.

But Aoraki can’t look beyond his own little rage to see the bigger picture. Because I crack off a few jokes I’m cocky, and chauvinistic, and think I’m invincible? Far from it. I probably have a better understanding of my strengths and limitations than he does. I just figure that if I’m gonna ask a bunch of people to pay money to watch me wrestle, or at least sit through some commercials, I might as well be interesting about it.

It’s no doubt I’m in for a tough fight come the airing of Zoo on Sunday. Hell, I might even lose. But be destroyed? Be silenced? Hardly,

After all, it’s damned hard to stop a Wrecking Ball.

Polla out!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Issue #8: The Dearly Departing

Thursday September 30
The Nest- Driveway
Indianapolis, Indiana
9:34 AM Local Time

“You’re late” Terrence Thompson growled at his manager as Pollaski climbed out of the turquoise 2002 Saturn LS3000 he had parked curbside in front of the house. He barely paid Daniel any attention, however, as he was clearly more focused on trying to get the sizeable pile of luggage at his feet crammed in the trunk of his blood-red 1971 Dodge Charger.


“Sorry, traffic was awful,” Pollaski apologized, although he remained fairly certain that the Mechanical Mayhem had already stopped paying attention to him. Nonetheless, Pollaski trudged up the driveway towards his best friend and client. “Need any help?”

“Not unless you have a way of gettting Wendy to hurry the hell up,” Terrence growled again, irritably trying to stuff a duffel bag into the corner of the trunk, only to find that it wouldn’t fit. Tossing the duffel bag on the ground, the PWX Grand Prix Champion scowled as he reassessed the situation.

“Why all the chaos?” Pollaski asked. “I thought that we got this whole leaving thing down to a science.”

“Yeah, well, normally, we’re taking Theresa with us,” Terrence responded, his attitude softening just a little. “This is the longest we’ll have been away from her since she was born. I think it has her nervous as all hell.”

“And that’s why I’m watching her,” Pollaski responded, clapping Terrence on the shoulder amiably. “With Cassie’s help. And remember, this vacation’s for your five-year wedding anniversary. It ain’t gonna do any good to be impatient with your wife thirty minutes before you depart.”

“This better NOT take thirty minutes,” Terrence growled, looking again at the pile of luggage he still had yet to load.

“Wow, dude,” Pollaski responded, turning away. “A romantic to the end. I’m going to go see if Wendy needs any help.”

Walking away from Terrence and the Charger, Pollaski couldn’t hear his friends muffled response, but he could guess well enough. Swinging the front door open, Dan saw a gray blur darting towards the door. With the grace and skill of a FIFA keeper, Pollaski kicked out at the blur, which recoiled from his foot, The hesistation was just enough for Pollaski slip inside the house, and shut the door, effectively ending Chaunticleer’s attempt at escape.

“Not today, cat,” Pollaski smirked triumphantly.

Ignoring the cat’s baleful stare, Pollaski strode into the living room. Little Theresa was on the couch, watching Nickelodeon, although she grinned and waved at “Unca Powa” as he walked in.

“Hey squirt,” Pollaski said, returning the wave. “Where’s your mom?”

“Upstairs,” Theresa replied, her attention still focused on her show.

The light tread of feet turned Pollaski’s attention to the staircase, and he saw Wendy Briese, loose strands of red hair flying about her face,, jogging down the stairs, a clipboard in her hand. She stopped, and scowled as she saw her manager in the living room.

“You’re late,” she snapped.

Pollaski rolled his eyes. “You people have GOT to come up with better ways of greeting me around here.”

Wendy didn’t even appear to be listening. She glanced once at the clipboard she was holding, and headed off towards the laundry room.

“Where are you going?” Pollaski asked, leaving Theresa on the couch and following her mother.

“To clean out the cat box.” Wendy replied.

Pollaski could well guess the expression on Terrence’s face if he found out the trip was further delayed by Wendy spending fifteen minutes scooping out the litter box. He couldn’t get around her to block her path though, so he did the next best thing that he could think of- he ripped the clipboard out of her hands.

Wendy spun around, and Pollaski took a step back at the anger in her eyes. Wendy was a formidable wrestler in her own right, and she just got downright scary when she was furious. To avoid having to look at her scowling visage, Pollaski turned his attention to the clipboard. “You made a checklist?” he asked incredulously.

“We’re leaving for a WEEK, Daniel,” Wendy snapped. “I have to make sure the house is in good shape-”

“Yeah if it was going to be unoccupied,” Pollaski replied back. He glanced at the checklist again. “I can take care of all of this. You and Terrence go and have a nice trip,”

“But...” Wendy began, although her hesitation meant she was likely without an argument.

“Look,” Pollaski said, putting an arm around her shoulder, and steering her away from the laundry room. “I know you’re nervous about leaving Theresa, but she’s going to be just fine. Cassie and I can take care of her for the week.”

“But...” Wendy began again as they strode into the hallway. Wendy glanced over at her daughter in the living room. “We’ve never been apart this long before...”

“So?” Pollaski shrugged. “She’s four, Wendy. She’s not going to forget you if you’re gone for a week.”

“I know, but...” another pause. Finally, Wendy sighed. “You’re right...”

As that moment, the door burst open, and Terrence strode in, also suddenly looking less grumpy. “Car’s ready,” he announced.

Wendy nodded. “Theresa, we’re leaving!” she announced.

Theresa bounced off the couch and ran to her mother, who scooped her up and embraced her with a hug. “Bye mommy!” the little girl chirped.

“You be good for Pollaski, Terr-Bear.,” Wendy said., setting her daughter down. Wendy turned back to her manager. “I left some instructions and stuff on the fridge, as well as all the phone numbers I could think that you might need.” she said. “I was going to go over them with you but...”

“He can read, hon,” Terrence chimed in, smiling at his wife’s reluctance to leave. He tousled his daughter’s hair. “We’ll see you in a week, Theresa.”

“Bye mommy, bye daddy!” the little girl said, as she moved to stand at Pollaski’s side.

“Alright, let’s go,” Terrence said, almost half-dragging Wendy towards the door, and out it. As soon as the door shut, Pollaski and Theresa went back to the living room, looking out the front bay window as the Birdz got into their car, backed down the driveway, and pulled away.

No sooner had Pollaski turned around, then he saw Theresa back on the couch, watching the television. Shrugging in a ‘when in Rome’ sense, Daniel sat down next to her reclining in the chair.

“So what’s on?”

“Dora the Explorer: Theresa replied.

Pollaski shrugged as Theresa began humming the theme song to the show. It was going to be an interesting week.

================================
The following blog was posted at whirlybirdz.com. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the opinions of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, CPW or anyone but the author. So please don’t sue them.

Hey kids.

So was anyone honestly surprised by that? All that talk. All that hype and blah blah bullshit from Michelle Taylor, and she lasts what? A minute and a half against me?

Its almost funny how much the dumb broad invested into this match, and then bombed completely. A chance at my title- her last chance at a CPW title for the next three months. She now owes me a new camera, and has to humiliate herself even further by wrestling in a fatsuit until she can win a match (which, at her talent level, is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOONG time...)

I’m sure there’s a valuable lesson Michelle COULD be taking away from this, but let’s be honest, education isn’t exactly her strong point. Then again, I’m not sure Michelle HAS any strong points.

Other than dumpster diving, of course.

So onwards we go, to the next Episode of Zoo, where I face my greatest challenge to date. And I’m not just talking about pronouncing his name. I think I almost got it figured out- A Iraqi?

Well, however you want to say it, there’s no doubt that Aoraki is one of the most dangerous dudes on the CPW roster. I mean, the dudes from New Zealand, and if the Lord of the Rings was any indication, that’s one hell of a tough place to live.

And somethin’s telling me that A-Man ain’t hailing from the Shire.

You can tell just by looking at Aoraki, that’ he’s one tough mo-fo. I mean, kicked out of RUGBY for being too violent? That’s actually a considerable accomplishment, I might say. It’s actually the same reason I got kicked off the North Kitsap Chess Team, although I’ll admit that just doesn’t quite scream “badass” as loudly.

But I guarantee you that Derek Kramer STILL looks over his shoulder in dread everytime he queenside castles. I done scar that muthafuga for LIFE.

But I’m getting off track here. The point is, that Aoraki is the first person I’ve faced in CPW that I can actually muster up a bit of respect for. It ain’t a fluke that the man’s carrying a goose egg in the loss column, You can tell that, for all the ego the man has, he also has a drive to succeed. Constantly training, never satisfied, always looking to improve. It truly is admirable.

But Aoraki seems to have taken issue with my words from previous matches. How I’m a bit too loose with the name-calling, and my lack of respect towards my opponents thus far. The catch is, like everyone else who is so quick to criticize (besides myself, of course), there’s three things that Aoraki needs to realize.

1. Aoraki claims that, by my own words, I beat three retards and a child. This is false. I’ve beaten FOUR retards, one of whom acts like a child.
2. I realize that me calling them retards would diminish the impact of my victory over them, but...
3. Dude, have you SEEN who I faced?

I’m not going with hyperbole here. That’s not just me talking shit just to talk shit. The last four people I stepped into the ring with are CLEARLY four of the dumbest people in professional wrestling. If not the world.

Look, I may be a greenhorn inside the ring, but I’ve been around this business for damn near ten years, and I know crap when I see it. Aoraki may not know this, but I write a ton of rankings columns, so I have developed a trained eye for who’s good and who isn’t in this business.

But like I said, I know Aoraki’s good. Good enough to beat the CPW Bamboo champion? Probably not, but as awesome as I am, that’s really nothing to be ashamed of. But he can rest assured, I have the utmost respect for him, and there’s no way I’m going to be overlooking a guy of his stature.

But whatever I say about the other members of this federation is hardly his concern. If he wants to break my jaw (a laughable solution considering I’ve yet to cut a promo), he’s welcome to try. But he’s gotta get close to hit me, and we all know what happens to people who get close to me.

Squish.

Polla Out.